


The Touch of Comfort {Spencer Reid X Reader}

by iminlovewiththc



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternative Universe - FBI, Angst, BDSM, Bondage, Children, Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Fake Character Death, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Rough Sex, Sex, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:55:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28388883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iminlovewiththc/pseuds/iminlovewiththc
Summary: Spencer is apart of a world that no one is aware of, not until Y/N begins digging into his life with questions. As she grows curious, so does Spencer, and he leads her into his world. Taking her under his wing.
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Reader
Kudos: 6





	1. One

Your heart was pounding   
It was your first day working with the BAU, and although you had already met some of the members of the team, you were still nervous as to how they would act on the job.

The time and effort it took into getting the job was hell; studying and learning about murderers for hours on end was definitely not easy, so when you received the call that you earned a spot on the team, all you could do was cry, letting out tears of joy.

You were having some trouble finding what to wear for your first day, not wanting to come off as unprofessional but not wanting to look too professional.   
After looking through your closet for a good 20 minutes, you ended up choosing to wear black slacks with a white tank top under a black blazer paired with black boot pumps, settling on a middle part with loose curls. Before leaving your apartment, you looked at yourself in the mirror and practiced your greetings to the team, not wanting to mess anything up.

The drive to Quantico was roughly 30 minutes, 45 max if there was traffic, which gave you the perfect time to overthink and practice your greetings once more. You thought that maybe you were worrying a little too much, because the members you had met so far were a-ma-zing, you had no doubt in your mind that you wouldn't soon become bestfriends with Penelope, it was inevitable.   
But you did have some "competition", although after what Hotch said about this lovely young man, you knew you would lose time and time again to him. Dr. Spencer Reid was, according to Hotch, " The smartest, most talented and hard working 30 year old I have ever met"... well wasn't that relieving.   
~~~  
You spent so much time thinking about what to say and what the team would think about you that the drive to Quantico passed by quickly.   
You took a deep breath and fixed yourself, shaking any bad energy and feelings off, then picked up your bag and began walking to the building.   
You tried choosing a parking spot a bit far, getting some more time to prepare yourself for the day ahead of you.

You hurried into the elevator, trying to ride up with no one but yourself, but right before the doors closed, someone quietly yelled "Stop!" you quickly stopped the elevator and let him on.

He ran into the elevator, and damn was he attractive. You felt yourself staring at him for a couple of seconds, admiring his hazel eyes and brown messy hair, but soon snapped out of your gaze, and decided to greet him.

"Um hi, my name is y/n, howdy" shit. what the hell was that? Your cheeks began feeling hot, a little too hot, but maybe that was because you embarrassed yourself by saying "howdy".   
He let out a chuckle, "Well howdy y/n , my name is Spencer, it's nice to meet you"

So this was the famous Spencer Reid Hotch was talking about huh? well he was pretty amazing already, you'll give him that.

He glanced at the buttons on the elevator, noticing that you pressed on 6 and said "Oh, so you're y/n? I heard that there would be a new team member but they never told me when your first day would be. You'll like it here, maybe you'll like the people more than the cases we have to work," he let out a small contagious laugh.

"I'll most definitely enjoy the people more than the cases, but this was the job I studied and worked my ass off for, so I'll make the best out of it."

You began having regretful thoughts on your job choice, but there was no time for that because as soon as you finished your sentence, the elevator doors opened, and you felt your heart drop to your stomach.

This was going to be a journey you couldn't prepare for.


	2. TWO

You couldn't just stand there, you had to walk out like a big girl and start your first day of work. 

Suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder- it was spencer.

"Hey, you okay? your face is flushed".

"Yeah, yeah i'm fine, just a little nervous you know, it's my first day on the job and it definitely isn't a regular, boring desk job"

"You'll be fine, everyone here is amazing, and they'll be by your side if you need any help, it's going to be okay" spencer reassured, which made you lose any feelings of judgement and regret. 

"Thank you, that helped a lot, really," letting out a long breath you had kept in through the whole elevator ride, and began walking towards the rest of the team.

Everyone turned to you and smiled, not looking surprised to see you, but that's because they had all met you before, unlike Spencer . 

Penelope was the first to come and greet you, and damn, this lady had so much love, because she came rushing with hugs, and the tight ones.

"OMG hi y/n!! How are you? It's amazing to see you again!" she exclaimed, not letting you out of her tight grasp, only looking up to see your face.

"I'm good now" you let out a small laugh, causing everyone else to start laughing.

"Hey, heey baby girl, let her go, she can't breathe" Morgan patted Garcia's shoulder, moving her away from you.

He was a bit right, but you liked the fact that someone was excited to see you.

"Good morning princess, it's nice to see you again, you doing good?" Morgan asked, having a concerned look take over his face.

"Yeah I'm fine, I was a bit nervous before I walked in here, but Spencer helped me calm down a bit... along with Penelope's hug of course, so I'm fine now."

Everyone continued greeting you with "It's nice to see you again!!" which, from what you could tell, made Spencer a little bit offended.

"Wait so you're telling me that you guys have all met her before?! When was this?"

"Sorry spence, you were visiting your mom when she came to meet Hotch, along with the rest of us, but hey, we filled you in on her did we not?" JJ chimed in.

"Yeah yeah, you're right, but it would've been nice to meet my competition before her first day." the corner of his lips forming a grin.

The greetings soon came to an end, with Hotch stepping out of his office and telling us that we had a new case... your first case.

"Good morning everyone, and welcome y/n to the team, sorry that we couldn't celebrate longer, but we have a new case in D.C , Penelope, take it away."

"Yes sir. So there has been multiple women being murdered in D.C , 10 to be exact, all of different races and ethnicities, but what connects these murders is that they have all had their hands tied together above their heads, along with a choker and they all had similar marks on their bodies from what they say is a whip...." explained Garcia

"They were all most likely involved with BDSM, due to them having their hands tied together, as well as the choker around their neck and the signs of being whipped," spencer noted

You had read about BDSM, enough to inform others on the topic and help them understand the community and what they do. And it seemed like Dr. Spencer Reid knew enough about the topic as well.

"What the hell is BDSM?" asked Penelope

"BDSM stands for Bondage, Dominance, Submission and Masochism, and it is where partners take roles, one being dominant and one being submissive. They may role-play, tie you up and spank you with their hand or other objects, or use certain toys on you, with the intention of arousing you. The act does not have to include sex, but it may lead to it or be the main focus" spencer spewed out a bunch of information , surprising you as to how much he knew.

"Yes, what Spencer said. There are tons and tons of BDSM websites as well where people can meet up with others and practice the acts. Maybe that's where the unsub met the victims? leading them to believe all they were doing was experimenting, the victims didn't even realize they were falling into a trap," you proposed.

"Great, Spencer and y/n, go check out the latest crime scene, Rossi and Morgan go set up at the police station, and JJ and I will go to the coroners office. Let's get to work" commanded Hotch.   
~~~

The first few minutes of the car ride were silent, but you then decided to break the silence, wanting to know more about how Spencer knew so much about BDSM.

"You seem to know a lot about BDSM.. why's that?" you asked, preparing yourself for a moment of awkward silence.

"I read about it. It's pretty interesting actually"

"Yeah but.... I know you can just know a lot about a topic and not be involved in it in any way, but it seemed like you were too interested," curiosity taking over your voice.

"If you want to know if I'm apart of the community, then yes, I am. Might as well tell you now before you overload me with thousands of questions that aren't straight forward," letting out a small laugh.

Was I being too nosy? I don't want to come off as annoying and ruin my friendship with this man, but him and his knowledge over this was insanely interesting.

"Are you?.... apart of the community? or interested in the acts of BDSM?" he asked.

"Uhh... I've read about it a lot, and it seems interesting, but there's no way in hell I would ever join a website and meet some stranger to do it with."

You were interested, very very interested, but like you said, you didn't want to meet anyone up from a website and just let them tie you up and do things to you, because you did not want to come up as a case the BAU needed to solve.

"I don't like to use those websites either, there's way too many creeps on there and I wouldn't want you coming up dead or missing. You should try-"

"Who do you experiment with..?" you cut him off.

"Sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off, or ask that question. I'm being too nosy" you apologized, not wanting to pry into his personal life, it was way too early into the friendship to ask this many questions.

"Hey no it's fine, you can ask your questions, it's... fun. But to answer your question, no one, atleast not anymore. I used to meet someone named Violet but we ended things 8 months ago. She was playing with someone else, and when we play, I like them to be mine and mine only," replying sternly.

Oh shit... that gave you a tingly feeling. He seemed so innocent back at the BAU, but him saying these things made you want to let him teach you "how it's done".

You didn't reply to what he said for the remainder of the car ride- you began daydreaming , letting your mind wander to think of things that you should not be thinking about, not right now, not on the job.

He told you that he broke things off with his playmate 8 months ago right? Maybe he won't have an issue if you just ask him to play you with you now, right? 

It was too early to be asking these kinds of things, you guys barely met an hour ago on the elevator, so you decided to keep these thoughts to yourself, to just let your mind wander for the time being.

You guys got to the crime scene, having to walk a little bit to get to the area. You decided to ask Spencer what he was about to say before you cut him off.

It was probably nothing, but you kept thinking about what it could be. "Hey Spencer, what were you about to say? before I- I cut you off?"

"Oh- um maybe you should try going to some BDSM clubs. They're safer than those horrible websites; you can look for someone you like, talk to them about what you're looking for, then try it out with them."

You thought it would've been something to get you more excited, but it was definitely not.

"Yeah, maybe I will. Thanks" you pursed your lips, trying your best to sound enthusiastic, but coming off as bitchy instead.

There was nothing you could say or do, so you kept your silence and got back to work.


	3. THREE

You decided to forget what Spencer said to you.

You did not want to ruin the friendship that was going to begin, it wasn't the right time to begin having those thoughts about the coworker you just met.

You were contemplating on going to one of those BDSM clubs Spencer was talking to you about, but you weren't sure if you were brave enough to walk into a new environment all by yourself.

You didn't want to walk into something you weren't so sure you would enjoy. And although Spencer kept spitting details about the clubs and the community to you all throughout the case, you still decided to further research about the acts of BDSM, looking into all kinds of kinks, from spanking to..... knife play?

Do people really get turned on from knives and blades?

You weren't trying to judge the people that did enjoy knives being used, but it was something you didn't want to try.

While doing your research, you decided to create a list of what you are interested in, and do some research on it to fully understand the act and what goes into it as well. This list wasn't very lengthy, only including -

Spanking

Restraints

Incorporating "Sir"

Biting

Sensation play

Being blindfolded

Hair pulling

And using toys

You spent almost the whole night doing research, but you slowly fell asleep on your couch, with your laptop and notepad laying on top of you.

You continued your research on early Saturday morning, but were soon disrupted by a call.

It was Hotch. A new case you presumed.

"Good morning y/n, sorry for calling on your long weekend, but we have a new case. Get ready and be at the office by 9:30 am".

You quickly got ready, showering first then putting on a tight, dark purple long sleeve and black jeans, tucking your shirt into your jeans and putting a belt through the hoops, pairing the outfit with the black boots you wore on your first day.

You still had an hour left to get ready, so you decided to blow-dry your hair and slightly curl it.

And lastly, putting on a small layer of makeup; Curling and applying mascara to your lashes, foundation and concealer, drawing on eyebrows, and putting on a light shade of pink lip gloss on.

Right before you were about to drive up to the office, you felt your phone ping.

You decided to check who or what it was, and saw that it was Spencer.

Spencer: Hey y/n, I was wondering if you could give me a ride? I don't usually drive and since this was an unexpected case, I would have to wait another 30-45 minutes for a train to come.

Y/N: Yeah, yeah of course, just send me your address and i'll be there in a bit.

You were going to be having your first conversation with Spencer since the last case.

You didn't say much to him after both of you checked out the crime scene, you knew you had asked too much during the car ride, and didn't want to annoy him more than you felt you already had.

He replied to you alarmingly fast, and you were on your way.

. . . . . . . . . .

He lived 10 minutes away from your place, making it to his apartment at 9:00, which meant you would have to speak to Spencer for a good 20-25 minutes... including the dreadful minutes of awkward silence.

He got into your car with two cups of coffee, giving one to you, then setting his bag on the floor.

"I made you some coffee, I know you probably just woke up and didn't eat breakfast, so I decided to bring you some, to wake you up" you could tell that he had just woken up, his voice still sounding raspy.

You gasped at the sight of coffee, becoming overly excited.

"Thank you. I didn't get much sleep last night, and I didn't have my daily morning cup of coffee, so I am in fact very tired," taking the cup of coffee from his hands.

You only got three hours of sleep last night, going to sleep at 3 and waking up at 6, then skipping breakfast due to the unexpected case.

You had no energy left in your body, surprised you could even get yourself ready and drive.

"I didn't get much sleep either. I stayed up trying to look for ways to slow down schizophrenia, as well as looking for places to move my mom" taking a sip from his coffee.

"Your mom? Is she... okay?" you asked with a concerned look on your face, finally looking over at him.

You didn't know too much about Spencer, only knowing about how he was a child genius, and how he has an IQ of 187, but never anything personal, anything involving his family.

"Oh sorry, I forgot you don't know too much about my personal life. My mother has schizophrenia and early- onset dementia, so I've been trying to find ways to slow down the effect and move her into another hospital that specializes in the disease," sounding dull and sad. 

You were never good at responding to others when they said something sad and serious, but you had to reply, because you were finally learning about him.

"Oh- I'm sorry, you seem like you care a lot about her, wanting the best for her and everything, I just know she's so so grateful to have you as a son, you're amazing". you already knew spencer was an amazing son, you didn't need any proof.

"Thank you. I do care about her, a lot. She has been through so much, from dealing with my dad leaving, to raising me on her own while she was going through the early stages of schizophrenia, it's been a lot, so me helping her now is how I can repay everything she's done for me," his voice going back to sounding sweet and caring.

He was talking to you about his personal life, more and more each second. You were grateful for it.

The rest of the car ride to Quantico was full of stories from each others childhood, both happy and sad, as well as telling one another about your families.

You were glad that you could connect with him. You were glad that you could both have a conversation without bringing up what had happened a couple of days ago, even though it was still on your mind.

This friendship was going somewhere

… It was going somewhere...


	4. FOUR

The last case you worked with the team was quite traumatizing, effecting you the most. 

When you got to the BAU after the car ride with Spencer, Penelope told everyone about the case, as always, but it hit you differently.

This case was about child abuse, which brought back memories from when you were young.

You told Spencer about your childhood, including the fact that you were never paid much attention to and how you were abused for most of the time you lived with your parents. Telling him how the only happy memories you had were from when you stayed with your aunt.

Garcia explained how multiple kids have gone missing in the Dallas Texas area, some being found dead in preserves, with multiple signs of abuse and starvation.

You didn't want the others to think that you couldn't handle the case, but you just couldn't stand looking at the pictures of the small children, they made you so angry.

You excused yourself and stepped out of the room, taking a deep breath and trying to shake yourself off.

You knew that you couldn't take these cases to heart, because if you did, 9 times out of 10, they would effect your work and participation, causing you to slack off and not do your job well enough.

You heard the door open and close, and you turned around to see that it was Spencer.

"Hey y/n, are you okay? I noticed that you stepped out and I wanted to come check on you, since the case hits close to home for you," rubbing his hand up and down your arm.

"I'm...honestly i'm not so good. I know you aren't supposed to let these cases get to you, but as soon as Garcia explained the case and began describing everything, bad memories began to flood in and I couldn't shut them out" beginning to choke up, trying not to cry.

"This happens to the whole team from time to time, it's normal for some cases to bring back bad memories. You have to remind yourself that you will help these kids, that you will save them and lock away the monster who is doing this to them" looking up at you and wiping away the tear that fell down your cheek.

"Thank you Spence, I seem to forget that I'm the one who hunts down human monsters and locks them away," you say, sniffling while you let out a small laugh.

"We should get back in there, we're probably missing out on some important information," slightly pushing past him to the door.

"Yeah, yeah let's do that. But hey, are you sure you're okay now? If you need a hug or someone to talk to, I'm here, I hope you keep that in mind," slightly grabbing your arm, looking at you with a concerned, sweet look on his face.

"I'm okay now, but I'll keep that in mind. It means a lot," you reassured.   
~~~  
The case took five days, and after asking Hotch to give you the honors to cuff the unsub for a good three days, he gave in.

You were emotionally and physically tired, due to all of the crying and running you did trying to catch this son of a bitch, so as soon as you boarded the jet, you passed out on the seat with your knees up to your chest, laying your head softly on them.

You were soon woken up by someone shaking you. "Y/N, Y/N , wake up, we just landed." JJ finally ending her shake fest.

You sat up, rubbing your eyes and noticing everyone looking at you and giggling.

"Good morning princess, how'd you sleep? That nap must have been amazing because we heard you snoring just a bit" Morgan teased with a huge grin on his face.

"Shut up, I do not snore," you snarled, punching Morgan's arm, still trying to wake yourself up.

You got your stuff ready and got into the back seat of the SUV, sitting next to Spencer. You just knew that the all-time famous Dr. Spencer Reid was about to begin stating facts about god knows what, and he wouldn't stop until you got back to Quantico.

And you were right, because he began talking about how he doesn't like to use technology very much, because studies show that if you spend too much time on your cellular device that blah blah blah, you did not want to listen to him sound like a 70 year old man.

When you got back to Quantico, you waited a couple of minutes for Spencer to pack up some extra things he left before the case.

After a good ten minutes of waiting for him, you were both ready and headed to your car. Although you were still exhausted, you expected to be the one driving, remembering that Spencer wasn't really the driving type. You were walking towards the drivers side of the car before he stopped you.

"What are you doing?? You aren't driving, you are way too tired. Go to the passengers seat, I'll drive."

"But I have to drop you off, it'll be easier if I just drive" trying to convince him to let you take the wheel, but he wouldn't let you.

"No, no. Stop, you aren't driving. If it's fine with you, we can go to my place and you can sleepover, then in the morning you can drive home," looking at you and waiting for an answer.

"Fine, that's fine with me," finally giving in.

You weren't so sure about the idea, but you decided to say yes because it seemed easier, and you knew he wouldn't make it awkward. It was a friend sleepover, nothing more.

You finally made it to his place. He parked the car and stepped out, walking around to the passenger side to open your door and help you with your things.

You walked up the steps, following him to his apartment, patiently waiting for him to open the door. 

The first thing you noticed when you walked in was the bookshelf mounted to the wall, full of what looked like hundreds of books.

"Have you read all of those books?" you asked, knowing that he probably has , due to him being able to read a book in a short... short amount of time.

"I haven't actually. Surprising, I know. But I'm almost there," he spoke, heading to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee.

You set your things down and sat on his couch, legs crossed with your hands between your thighs, sitting silently. 

You were confused as to why he was making coffee at this time, it was 3 in the morning, you would imagine he would want to go to sleep right now.

"Don't you think it's a little too late for coffee? I mean it is three in the morning you know," standing up and walking towards the kitchen and crossing your arms over the counter.

"It's never too late for coffee. I've gotten so used to drinking it that it doesn't really give me much energy anymore," he exclaimed .

"Right. But um, I'm exhausted, so I was just going to ask if I could borrow a shirt or something, since my clothes are dirty," you asked, beginning to let out a yawn.

"Yeah of course. You can sleep in my bed, I'll sleep on the couch so you can have your space." 

He handed you an oversized shirt and some boxers, then showed you where the restroom was.

"Here's the restroom. I'll fix up the bed for you while you're in there. If you need anything else, don't be scared to ask."

You changed, brushed your teeth and washed your face, then stepped out and saw that Spencer was still there, trying to figure out how to arrange the pillows.

"Hey, I wasn't sure how you liked your pillows arranged... I think I spent too much time trying to figure it out" he sighed, finally looking up to see you, fully changed into his clothes.

"Thanks Spence, it's fine. I'll fix them when I get into bed," you spoke softly, smiling at him.

"You look... nice.. but um, sleep well y/n, I'll be in the living room if you need anything," his cheeks beginning to turn a light shade of pink.

Had he really never let a girl wear his clothes before??

"Good night Spencer. Sweet dreams," you replied, continuing the stare that was created between the both of you, before he broke it seconds later, leaving to go into the living room.

You got into his bed, quickly falling asleep, letting yourself drift into slumber.


	5. FIVE

You woke up and propped yourself up by your elbows, rubbing your eyes, still very much waking up.

It was dark, and you heard rain, which made you want to stay in bed for the rest of the day but you weren't home so you couldn't do that.

After a good 10 minutes, you get up and go to the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth. You smell waffles once you leave the bathroom- spencer must have made breakfast.   
You made your way to the kitchen, quietly listening to spencer singing, and oh my was this guy tone deaf.

You couldn't hold in your laugh any longer, finally letting yourself die of laughter. 

He turned around to see you, his cheeks beginning to turn pink, his nose scrunching up.

"Good morning spence. sorry for laughing, but oh boy are you tone deaf," you giggled, trying to calm yourself down. He let out a soft laugh, making you smile.

"Good morning.. um I made you some waffles," he grabbed the plate of already served warm waffles and placed it on the island in his kitchen.

"Here's the syrup and butter. Do you want coffee?" he asks, making his way to the Keurig.

"Yeah but how about you go eat breakfast, I'll make my coffee. You've done a lot already," you lifted yourself from the chair and took the mug from his hands. He nods, grabbing his plate and sits down to eat.

"How'd you sleep? Was my bed comfortable?"

You grab your coffee and sit down in-front of him. "I slept good. Thank you for letting me sleep over instead of letting me drive home the way I was," stuffing your mouth immediately after you spoke.

A huge grin swept across his face, clearly because of the way you were eating. 

"Whatt?! I'm hungry. Let me eat without feeling judged," you snarled.

You continue to eat your breakfast in silence, then taking you and spencer's dishes to wash them.

"I should get going. I don't know what you have planned for today so I'll just take a shower, change, and I'll be on my way"

You didn't want to stay for longer than intended, and you certainly didn't want to ruin any plans he had for that day.

And you did want to continue doing your research on BDSM, since you hadn't finished due to you being called in for another case.

"I'm not doing anything, but I was wondering if you wanted to go to this art museum around 20 minutes away from my apartment. If you're free... and up for it" he coaxed, giving you a sad puppy face. You had to say yes. 

"Now how could I say no to that," you answered, patting his cheek then pushing his face away causing his lips to form a grin.

"But um, I don't have clothes so I'll just drive home and get ready, then I'll come pick you up, ok?" you continue, heading to his room to pick up your belongings. 

You tried to see what you could wear because you didn't have any underwear left in your bag, and you were definitely not going to put on a used pair of panties.

You decided to keep on Spencer's boxers, then you put on a hoodie you had in your bag. You put on your mismatched socks and shoes, then took a look at yourself in the mirror-

You looked tacky.

You could not leave his apartment, let alone his room, but you had to. You were only driving home. 

You walked out and thank god Reid was in the bathroom, you did not want to face him looking the way you did.

"Okay bye Spencer, I'm leaving. I'll come by at two." you yell out.

You hurried out, closing the door right when spencer replied with an "Okay, Bye."   
~~~

You got to your place and dropped your things by the front door, running to the bathroom to take a shower.

You didn't want to go look too nice, or do too much with your hair and makeup because after all, it was rainy and you were both going to an art museum. 

Right when you were about to put on your comfy clothes, you receive a text from spencer.

Spencer: Hey y/n, change of plans. Dress up and I'll come pick you up at 6. We can go to the art museum another day:)

Y/N: Do I wear a dress or something? Short, long, revealing, etc.?

Spencer: Short, preferably. See you at 6.

You had around 4 hours to kill, so you decided to chill and watch a crime show, picking out parts of the show that weren't accurate.

The time flew by and it was already 4:00pm, meaning that you had two hours to get ready before spencer came to pick you up. 

He hadn't told you were you were going, he only said that there was a "change of plans" and to dress up, preferably in a short dress. You began to think that he was taking you to a club, but why? 

You decided to curl your hair, choosing a middle part for the night, then applying your makeup, going with a dark blue colored eye shadow and a nude lip.

It was time for you to pick out your outfit, which was fairly easy to pick because you already had a perfect outfit laid out in your mind.

You chose to wear a short, dark blue dress with spaghetti straps, pairing it with black pump-heels. You took a look in the mirror, running your hands down your sides; how well this dress accentuated your curves was fucking amazing.

You felt good. And looked good

You were packing some things in your purse when you heard a knock at the door. You went to open the door, and there he was, dressed nicely in a dark purple button up with black slacks and his everyday black converse, not really appropriate attire.

You looked him up and down, beginning to worry that maybe you were the one that wasn't dressed appropriately.

"Oh wait should I change? I think I dressed up a little too much," you panicked- you didn't want to look like you were about to attend a red carpet event.

"You're just fine how you are y/n, I'm the one that doesn't have the proper clothes for these kinds of occasions," letting out a small laugh. Which reminded you that spencer's closet only consists of sweater vests, button ups, slacks, converse and dress shoes.

"You look nice Y/N, really," he gulped. You were sure that he was nervous, he only does that when he's flustered.

You smile at him, " Thank you. Took about two hours to look this nice" pointing at yourself.

"I'll go get my purse and coat and we can head out," you go get your things and run back to your door, locking it and turning around to spencer.

He held his arm out to you, and you both walk to his car, where he then opens the door for you.

When you're both in the car and finally start moving, you decide to ask him where he's taking you, even though you have somewhat of an idea.

"Hey Spence, where are you taking me? I know you said that there was a change of plans but you never told me where we were going". You turn to spencer and notice that he has a huge smirk on his face.

"You're smirking, why are you smirking? Where are you taking me, really" you ask, growing impatient.

"Why so many questions? Just wait, I know you'll like it, you told me you've been wanting to go, so I decided that today would be the perfect day" the grin not coming off of his face.

You furrowed your brows, turning your body towards the window.

You begin to think about where the hell he might be taking you. You haven't really wanted to try going to any new places in town, unless they were restaurants- not places you dressed up like this to go to.

You leaned your head on the window, slowly starting to feel your eyelids becoming heavier and heavier. Slowly but surely, you fell asleep. 

You woke up to Spencer gently shaking you. You got up and looked around, realizing that you got to the place you still had no clue about.

You exited the car and grabbed onto Spencer's arm, unaware of the destination. You turned the corner, and began to look around, trying to figure out where he brought you.

It didn't take you too long to notice, your mouth gaping open at the realization- 

He brought you to a BDSM club.


	6. SIX

TW//: Sexual harassment 

He brought you to a BDSM club.

You forgot about the conversation between the both of you that happened a couple of weeks ago, it had slipped your mind. Too much had went on after the conversation that you completely forgot that he suggested you go to a BDSM club, to which you agreed to.

You tightened your grasp around spencer's arm, growing nervous each second.

Spencer noticed you tightening your grasp, and turned to look at you.   
" Are you okay? You're suffocating my arm a bit" a concerned look swiping across his face.

"I've never been here before. Maybe if you had let me know before hand I would've had a bit of time to prepare myself" you snarled, coming off a bit bitchy.

You were excited, but everyone there seemed like they knew what they were doing. You knew that it was also others first times going to the club, but everyone strutted in so confidently.

"Sorry, I just thought that maybe you had done some research on your own time and that you were ready to experience it all now. If you aren't ready we can leave and go some place else, I don't want you to feel pressured,"

"No, no it's fine. I have done research on my own time, but never enough to understand how these clubs work. I was cut off by the Dallas case," you advised.

"What kind of research?" curiosity rising in his voice.

"Do you really want to know? Do I have to tell you before we go inside?"

"Well, it would be nice to know what you're looking for, so I can help. But tonight you'll be with me, acting as my sub. You can still look for other people, but i'll play as your dominant to keep an eye on you." he noted.

"Okay then.... I'm interested in spanking, restraints, incorporating "sir", biting, sensation play, being blindfolded, hair pulling, and...using toys" you listed off what you came across two weeks ago. They sounded interesting, and after looking into them, you were sure you wanted to try them out.

They all seemed to almost turn you on just thinking about them.

Spencer stood there quietly, probably processing what you just spewed out.

"So um, tell me about the rules. What do I need to follow while I'm in there?" finally breaking the silence.

"Right. One, you always have to finish a sentence with sir. Two, when I sit down, you have to kneel in front of me. And Three, you have to wear this," he pulls out a choker/collar from his coat pocket, and hands it to you.

You narrowed your eyes and paused for a second, taking the choker into your hands and examining it.

The choker was black, and had a small lock in the middle which was shaped like a heart. If you put this on, the only way you can take it off is with a key...

"I have to wear this?" you queried, looking back up at him for an answer.

"Yes. and i'll keep the key, if that's what you were wondering. It won't be that bad kitten, trust me. I'll be with you the whole time that we're here, don't worry."

Did he just call you kitten? I mean yeah, you liked it, and you weren't going to bring it up because Dr. Spencer Reid calling you kitten was already the highlight of your night, but did it slip out of his mouth? or did he mean to say it?

He then took the choker from you and put it around your neck, locking it into place. He held up the key, then put it back into his pocket.

You were both finally at the front of the line. You and Spencer showed your ids, then headed in.

You took a look around, every woman you saw was so beautiful, goddess like. You began to feel uneasy- you weren't so sure that you belonged in this setting. You knew you looked hot, but did you look as good as you thought?

You tugged on spencer's arm, trying to catch his attention. It worked; He turned to see you, noticing the concerned look that was splattered all over your face, and pulled you aside from the crowd.

"What's wrong y/n?, you know that we can leave right now if you want."

"It just feels like I'm out of place. Every girl here is so... I can't compare to them," you sighed.

"You look beautiful y/n. You shouldn't compare yourself to any other woman in this club, you're special... to me. Got it?"

You nod, a smile emerging from the corner of your lips. Spencer had a way with his words.

Spencer leads you to a lounge area, where there are others talking, having" regular" conversation for a Friday night. The subs are doing exactly what spencer told you to do.... kneeling in front of their dom. You weren't so sure you liked the idea, but it was rule number two, a rule you had to follow.

"Hello, my name is James, and this is Violet," you're both greeted by a tall, muscular man. He was pale and brunette, he was in his mid to late 20's you thought. As for his Violet, she was short, pale, and had one half of her hair black and the other pink...

Wait- Violet....Wasn't she spencer's old submissive? You looked back at spencer, narrowing your eyes, confusion sweeping across your face.

He pursed his lips, not making eye contact with you. He clearly knew who she was.

You kneeled down, locking eyes with her. She was pretty, clearly spencer's type. You both smiled at each other, her blue eyes meeting your honey brown eyes.

"So, are you spencer's new submissive?"

"Something like that," you say, remembering that spencer said you were acting as his sub for the night.

After some small talk, you needed to refresh yourself. You knew you couldn't get up without permission, so you turn to look at spencer.

"Can I go to the restroom...sir?" it felt weird calling him Sir now that you bad said out loud, you would rather call him Doctor.

"Yes kitten. I can accompany you if you'd like,"

"I can go by myself, thank you sir," you get up and head to the restroom, quickly being stopped by a tall, pale man.

"Well hello gorgeous, what's your name? Where you headed?" he exclaimed. Maybe you should have let spencer accompany you.

"I'm y/n. Sorry, but I need to go to the restroom, excuse me." you try to move past him, suddenly feeling a tight grasp on your arm. He wasn't letting you go anywhere.

"Heey heey, where are you going. Come on, let's have some fun." he says, whispering into your ear.

You try to get out of his grasp, but he was now grabbing on to your waist. Your heart started beating rapidly, you didn't know what the hell he was planning on doing.

"Please get off of me, I'm sorry but I'm not comfortable at all." you insisted, only causing him to pull you closer to him.

You felt his hand going up your thigh as he was breathing into your neck. Tears began to fall down your cheeks and you began to shake- you were terrified.

"Let her go, right now." this was the first time you were exhilarated to hear spencer's voice.

He pulled you away, pushing you behind him. You began to sob, you were just sexually harassed, what the hell were you supposed to do.

"And what the hell are you going to do? Huh? She wanted it." he snarled.

"I'm a federal agent, I can arrest you for sexually harassing another federal agent, and I'll make sure your ass stays in there for a while. Get the fuck out of here." spencer responded furiously.

He grabbed your hand and walked you right out of the club, not taking a second to look at you.

"Are you okay, seriously Y/N are you okay??" he asks you as soon as you get to his car.

You nod. You couldn't speak, you couldn't form what just happened to you into a sentence.

He holds your chin up, your eyes meeting his, "This wasn't your fault okay, you didn't do anything wrong for him to do this to you," spencer reassures you.

He pulled you into a hug and you began to sob. It kept replaying in your head, it was engraved into your memory.

"Let's get out of here, please" you said in a low register.

You got into the car and waited for spencer to get in. Although you had just been.... you wanted to talk to him. You wanted to have a regular night like nothing happened. Was that normal? you had thought, to act like nothing happened? You wanted to get your mind off of what that bastard did, you wanted to have fun.

"Have you heard of people eating dessert off of their submissive? I searched that up and it seemed interesting,"

"Y/N, what are you saying."

"I was just saying that it was interesting is all. I mean restraints and being blindfolded sounds interesting too." you tried getting him to agree to make you his submissive, but there was no expression on his face indicating that he was thinking about it.

"I know what you're getting at y/n, don't worry. But something traumatic just happened to you and i'm not sure if you want to do this tonight,"

"If I didn't want to do it I wouldn't have brought it up. Spencer I know something traumatic just happened to me, but i'm trying to forget about it for one night. I just want to have fun....with you." you coaxed.

The rest of the car ride was silent, you weren't so sure he was going to take you up on the proposal you made.

He parked the car, and you noticed that you weren't at your apartment, you were at his. You look over at spencer, who was already out of the car, heading to your door.

He opened your door and pulled you out, "Come on" he said in a stern voice, grabbing your hand and walking you up to his apartment.

He opened the door and led you to his bedroom. As soon as you entered his room, he went straight to a chest he had in the corner of the room.

"Strip."

You didn't bother asking why, you knew what was about to happen.

You stripped off your clothes and sat on his bed, folding your arms to cover your breasts.

He turned to look at you, licking his lips.

"Let's talk about safe words. What do you want them to be? They can be simple, like red, green and yellow, or they could be something different,"

"Green, red and yellow is fine. Green meaning yes, yellow meaning...?" you asked, unsure of what yellow meant exactly.

"Yes, green means yes, yellow means to stop what you're doing and try something else or to slow down, and red means to completely stop what we're doing and not continue doing anything else."

"Okay, got it." you try to relax and control yourself.

"I'm going to tie you up now, raise your hands and hold on to the headboard."

You don't hesitate to do as you were told. He tied your hands to the headboard using nylon rope and then moved to the footboard and tied your ankles as well.

"Is it too tight? I can adjust them if you'd like."

You pulled on the ropes. It wasn't tight enough to make you uncomfortable, you were fine, you thought.

"No, they're fine," you noted.

You looked up to the ceiling, feeling the most exposed you had ever felt in your life. Yes, you have had sex before, but it was quick and they weren't admiring your body for this long. He would be looking at your body the whole time you'd be tied up.

"I'm going to blindfold you okay? Then I'll take off my clothes and we can start.

One moment you could see the dimmed lights of his room, and the next all you could see was darkness.

A couple of seconds passed by before you felt the weight of spencer's body on the bed.   
He began kissing up your body, finally reaching your neck.

Your breathing rapidly increased, and you lolled your head back.

"This is going to be fun y/n. Trust me," whispering into your ear. His voice turned you into putty, and you felt yourself sinking into his bed.

He could do anything to your body, and you wouldn't mind at all.

You were ready for anything and everything that was about it happen.

You wanted him


	7. SEVEN

Spencer began kissing down your neck, reaching your breasts. He slowly circled your nipples, causing them to immediately harden. 

You quietly moaned, rolling your eyes under the blindfold. You were sure that a small puddle had already formed between your legs.

"Fuck that. I'm taking your blindfold off, I want you to see everything I'm doing to you," forcibly taking the blindfold off of your face.

He went back to your breasts and took one into his mouth, beginning to circle your nipple with his tongue. The sensation was nothing like you had ever felt before, and it was only the beginning.

You began to flutter your eyes shut, biting your lip trying to stop yourself from moaning.

You felt his hand tighten around your throat-

"Look at me. I want you to look at me. I want you to see what's making you moan, making you want more," he commanded.

You nodded, looking straight into his eyes.

He proceeded to take your nipple into his mouth, flicking it and beginning to speed up the pace of his tongue. He took your other hardened bud into his fingers, pulling and twisting it lightly.

The pace of both tongue and twisting of your nipples caused you to arch your back, pulling on the ropes, thus tightening around your wrists. You whimpered.

"S-Spencer" you moaned out. There was no way he was making you this wet and bothered by a simple act.

He took your aching nipples out of his mouth and began moving down your body, his lips ghosting above your skin was sending shivers through your spine.

"What do you want y/n?" bringing his hand towards your center, rubbing circles around your clit. 

You bucked your hips, wanting more of him.

He pushed your hips back down into the bed.

" I want you- I want you in me. I want you to ruin me doctor" you pleaded.

"Leave marks on me that won't go away."

"So you won't mind if I," inserting two fingers into you, his pace beginning to build up seconds after inserting his fingers into your slit.

You arched your pack, pulling on the nylon ropes once again.

"Green, fucking green." you cried out. Your breathing became heavier and heavier due to spencer finding a rhythm that felt exhilarating, you couldn't keep in your moans any longer.

If your hands weren't tied to the bedpost, you would be grabbing onto him, leaving marks on him indicating that he was your playmate and no one else's.

You pulled on the ropes, becoming frustrated. You wanted to be able to touch him.

"If you keep this up, I won't let you come. You understand me?" he growled, intensifying his pace.

You nod, not fully paying attention to him, only the way his fingers felt inside of you. You closed your eyes for a few seconds, trying to process your emotions.

You didn't notice his fingers leaving your slit, then suddenly feeling his tongue enter you. His fingers had already felt amazing, how the hell did his tongue feel a million time better??!

His tongue made his way in and out of you, sucking your clit as he moved up and down your core.

"Don't stop. Please," you pleaded , begging him to go faster. 

You continued to pull on the rope, despite spencer telling you not to.

His face was buried into you, holding your thighs around his face, your thick thighs appearing to be suffocating him. Dr. Spencer Reid looked more concentrated and interested in eating you out than how he appeared when reading a book.

Your legs began to tremble, you were at the peak of euphoria when boom-

He stops.

"No, no spencer please," you begged him. You didn't want this to end, you wanted him to lead you into euphoria. You wanted him to leave marks on you and do more than just...this. You were grateful- you loved having his fingers and tongue inside of you, but you needed more.

"You want to come don't you kitten," he asked, beginning to circle your clit again.

"Yes. Please Doctor Reid, i'll do anything" you pleaded. You had never wanted anyone as much as you had wanted spencer in that moment. Inside of you, and not just his tongue this time.

"Well guess that," he growled, taking his hand and tightening it around your neck once more, "Bad girls don't get to come, remember?" he lets go of you for the last time.

"fuck you" a defeated, shaky tone in your voice.

He chuckled, "I'm going to untie you now, okay?" the nice, normal spencer was back. How easily could he go back to normal after something like this?

He went to the headboard and untied your hands first, immediately falling on to your lap. You began to rub your wrists, red from all of the friction and pulling.

Your ankles weren't too bad, only a light shade of pink. The marks on your ankles would disappear soon, unlike the ones on your wrists. Only if you had listened to him and stayed still, you would've been in heaven right now.

He left the room for a few minutes, coming back with water and ice, handing both to you.

"Thank you. But um, what's the ice for?"

"For your wrists. How are they by the way?" concern spreading to all corners of his face.

" They're fine, thanks. These marks aren't going away for a while though," you continue rubbing on your wrists. you chuckle, a contagious smile appearing on your face.

You weren't sure if spencer would let you spend the night after what just took place, but you didn't want to sleep alone that night, you needed the warmth of another human being next to you.

"Spencer?" you paused, playing with the water bottle he had just given you, " Can I spend the night? It's fine if you don't want me to, I just don't want to sleep alone tonight," you looked up at him, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, of course. How about you go take a warm shower and i'll give you some clothes when you come out?"

"Thank you" you whisper, getting up and walking past him into the bathroom.

You turned the water on and hopped in, letting the warm water run down your body for a couple of minutes before finally washing yourself.

You scrubbed your body down as much as you could, trying to get rid of all traces of the stupid idiot who touched you at the club.

You still couldn't form what had happened to you into words. You felt as though it was your fault, your fault that you rejected spencer's offer to accompany you. You thought that maybe if you had walked with spencer to the restroom, you would have left untouched and unbothered.

The memory began to replay in your mind over and over again; tears began welling up in your eyes, soon collapsing into sobs.

You didn't care that spencer was just outside of the door, you couldn't keep it in anymore, you had to let it all out.

Seconds after you began sobbing, spencer burst through the door.

"Y/N, are you okay? Do you need me to come in with you?" a frightened tone taking over his voice.

"Please" managed to leave your mouth. You couldn't stop crying, no matter what you said to try to reassure yourself.

A couple of seconds go by and then there enters spencer, instantly cupping your face with his hands, rubbing your cheek with his thumb.

"What did I do wrong spencer?? …Why did he have to choose me, and touch me?" sniffling, trying time refrain yourself from crying.

"This isn't your fault y/n, you did nothing wrong, his brain just wasn't wired correctly at birth. You need to stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over."

"Only if I had accepted your request nothing would've happened," you begin to sob again, "I'm sorry."

"Shhh, come here," he pulled you into a hug, holding your head close to his chest, letting the water fall on both of you.

The shower was quick and quiet, no words were shared between the both of you.

You were so grateful for spencer. One moment he's eating you out and making you moan, and the next he's being a friend and holding you while you cry. You didn't know what was going on, but you were thankful.

You put on the oversized hoodie and boxers he set out for you, and you headed back into his bedroom.

The room lights were off, the lamp on his nightstand being the only source of light. He was lying in his bed reading yet again another book. You caught a glance of the book cover before he closed it and tucked it away in his drawer.

"Reading about the early signs of schizophrenia huh?"

"Yeah," he sighed, looking down, "Just trying to educate myself more on the signs before they start happening to me," letting out a quiet laugh.

He turns to look at you, giving you an all time famous white man smile. Oh boy was it funny, but it was cute.

You crawl into his bed, scooting closer to him, trying to steal a bit of his body heat.

You lay your head on his shoulder, wrapping your arm around him.

"Spencer?"

"Yes y/n?"

"Thank you for tonight"

"Mhm. Go to sleep kitten," he whispers, running his fingers through your hair.

You drift into sleep in his arms, the way you had wanted to all night.

If there was one word you would use to describe the night that had taken place, it would be hectic.


	8. EIGHT

It had been a month since you became spencer's submissive, a month since the club incident.

That night had its pros and definitely it's cons, one con being that you were now scared of the many many men you passed by and encountered on an everyday basis. 

It always made you laugh how not one unsub has ever made you feel as unsafe, yet random men you encounter scare the living shit out of you.

Work was hectic and was constantly taking time away from your personal life, meaning that you couldn't let spencer tie you up and "work his magic", which made you dread life a little more.

Since you and the team had been working extra hard on a case down in New Mexico dealing with a LDSK who was targeting brunette women in their late 40s to early 50s, because of his strong mommy issues you were 100% sure of , Hotch demanded you guys take three extra days off, adding onto your weekend.

You were laying on your couch eating mint chip ice cream, watching a movie when your phone started ringing. You didn't want to become distracted by your phone while watching the movie, so you had left it on your kitchen counter.

You set the ice cream down and maneuvered around the living room center table, finally reaching your phone. You turned it over and saw that it was spencer and immediately picked up. 

"Hey spence, how are you?"

" Hey y/n, I'm pretty good actually. I was calling to ask if you wanted to go to the art museum tomorrow?"

"Will you actually take me there, or will you pull the same thing you pulled the night we went to the club?" you were wary of his plans, you didn't want him to take you someplace else and not be told about it.

"Yes, don't worry y/n, we'll actually go to the art museum this time," he chuckled, reassuring you that there was no need to worry.

"Um...yeah I'm free tomorrow," you hesitated to give an answer, but then agreed to go with him. You just had to stick with him, orrr carry your pepper spray with you just in case.

" Great, I'll pick you up tomorrow at 11, then maybe we can go get something to eat."

"It's.. a date?" you reply with a half question, half statement, then hang up, letting out a big sigh. You set an alarm for 9 a.m before going back to the living room to finish the movie.

+++

You were awoken by your alarm, tempted to press snooze, but you couldn't. You laid in bed for a couple of minutes, staring up at the ceiling, before finally getting up and starting your shower. You got in and almost fell asleep due to the warm water making you sleepy again.

After your shower and hygienic 'duties', you blow dry and straighten your hair, settling on a middle part.

You checked the time and noticed that it was 10:30 already- did you really take that long to take a shower and do your hair? You supposed that you were a little more tired than usual, given that you stayed up until 3 am watching movies.

You quickly ran to your closet, scrimmaging through to find the outfit you were going to wear for you and spencer's .... date? You weren't so sure if you should call it a date, but you kept reminding yourself that it was nothing but friendly.

After looking through your closet and picking out a few pieces of clothing , you eventually decide on a white tank top with white mom jeans and a khaki corduroy jacket, pairing the outfit with a black belt and black converse.

As soon as you put your socks on, you heard a knock at the door.

You got up and headed over, reaching up to the peephole to make sure it was spencer, which it was. You took a deep breath, then opened the door.

Spencer was wearing a light purple button up, sleeves rolled up, with a black vest and black slacks, ending the look with his black converse. He looked... adorable, but he truly wasn't lying when he said he didn't have any non-work attire.

"Hey," you paused, "Come in, I need to put my shoes on and grab my purse," signaling for him to come in.

He pursed his lips, coming into your apartment and closing the door while you headed back to your room to finish getting ready.

You quickly put your shoes and last pieces of jewelry on, then grab your purse and head back out to the living room, where he was still standing by the door, hands in his pockets.

"I'm ready, we can leave now," you announced.   
…

The ride to the art museum was fairly quiet, no more than 5 sentences being exchanged by either of you throughout the 15 minute drive.

When you get to the museum, spencer was about to get out of the car when you abruptly grab a hold to his arm.

"Spencer, are you okay? You've been oddly quiet today and I just want to know if anything is going on," you asked in a caring voice, almost maternal.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, there's just some things going on with my mom and her meds. Sorry." his voice was low and wobbly.

"Don't say sorry Spence, you haven't done anything wrong, I was just curious to know why you were so quiet. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything, no matter the situation," you tilted his head towards you and gave a warm smile.

You wanted to be there for Reid just how he was for you the night you were violated. The situations were totally different, but you wanted him to feel cared for, you wanted to be someone he could tell anything to.

"Thanks y/n, you don't know how much that means to me," his voice no longer sad and dry.

When you entered the art museum and paid for your tickets, spencer unexpectedly yanked you and sprinted towards a gray painting of a woman.

You read the plaque under the piece, "Pregnancy: The Soldiers Wife by José Clemente Orozco." The piece was simple, yet drew you and spencer in.

"It's beautiful isn't it," he looked down at you, waiting for you to give him an answer, but you were so focused on the painting that all you gave was a simple nod.

"Is it your first time here?" you ask, finally breaking the silence.

"No actually, it isn't. I like to come here a lot to look around and try to get into the artists head," finally taking a break from gazing at the painting and moving onto another.

"What do you mean?" you furrow your brow, not sure of what he meant.

"I like to try and see where their head was at, why they thought of this person, place or object to paint or draw. I like to see if I can fully understand the meaning of the piece," he sputtered, fully invested in giving you a peek into his brain.

"I think I just like to see the pieces and attempt to find the meaning... which never happens," you chuckled .

Everything was going well and you were finally having a non-work related conversation with Reid when his phone started buzzing.

He takes his phone out and lets out a long sigh before answering. You looked at him, a petulant look splattered across his face.

"Okay... okay, gotcha. See you then," he didn't sound too ecstatic while talking on the phone, giving you the clue that it was Hotch.

"Soo, who was it?" a mix between ardent and reluctance, the two creating a bitchy potion, one you accidentally spilled on yourself..

He sighed, "It was Hotch, there's another case."

You roll your eyes and tilt your head back, annoyed that your date with spencer had to be ruined by yet again another case.

What the hell is this one going to be about.


	9. NINE

"Hey, it's fine. We can finish this date off another day, and it'll be even better the next time." giving you a faint, sweet smile.

You let out a loud sigh, "Fine, yeah we can do that. Let's go," returning the smile.

During the car ride, spencer let you know that he would be dropping you off at your apartment so you could get ready and pack your go-bag. You didn't have to get to the office until 2:00, which gave you roughly an hour to pack your things as well as change into new clothes, then drive up to quantico, possibly grabbing yourself something to eat on the way.

After the 15 minute car ride, spencer pulls up to your apartment building, clearing his throat to catch your attention that you were in fact finally at the destination.

You notice and grab your bag, opening the door to leave but pausing to look back at reid.

"Hey spence do you want me to come pick you up? I know you don't like driving much." you offer.

"Oh, yeah if that's fine with you," he responds, in a soft tone of voice.

"Okay, I'll call you when I'm on my way. Thanks" you closed the door and scurried up the stairs to your apartment, trying to hurry since you would be having to pick spencer up as well.

You quickly changed your outfit, choosing a black long sleeve v neck with black slacks and your black ankle boots.

You left your hair as is, taking off most of your jewelry, only leaving your gold earrings and necklace on.

You then switched to picking out your outfits for the next few days away, which only took approximately 25 minutes.

You checked the time- 1:15 p.m. You grabbed your go-bag, your phone, then made your way to spencer's apartment.

Oh shit, you were almost to his apartment and you hadn't called him yet.

You took your phone from the cup holder and dialed his number, your finger tapping on your steering wheel from the frantic afternoon you were experiencing.

Spencer picked up after two rings, himself sounding a bit frantic.

"Hey y/n, are you on your way?"

"Uh... I'm 5 minutes away... sorry," you exclaimed, apologizing for not calling sooner.

"It's okay it's okay, I'll be ready in five minutes." his breathing still heavy, like he had been running around.

You hung up and let out a long breath- you already knew the day was going to be rough.

———————  
You texted spencer to let him know you were already there, but as soon as you sent the text, he was already outside and heading to your car.

You noticed he had two cups of coffee in his hand, which turned you into a child that was receiving a toy on christmas.

You took the coffee from him as soon as he got in, " Thank you sooo much, you don't know how much I need that right now," you granted him a large smile, ringing from ear to ear.

"It's no problem, I know you usually forget to drink coffee before work, and I didn't want you drinking that horrible coffee from the office."

He was a lifesaver, and you tried everything in your power to make him aware of it.

Although this man was amazing, what wasn't amazing was when he spewed out facts on top of facts throughout car rides, which he was in fact doing this time.

"Okay spencer, we're here. Can we take a pause on your class for today?" you giggled, taking the keys out of the car.

Spencer helped by taking your go bag while you helped take his coffee; oh how helpful you were. 

The elevator ride up was fairly quiet, no words being exchanged by either of you. Nothing was wrong but you were both exhausted from waking up early and then wasting all stored energy on getting ready for work.

Garcia was in front of the elevator doors, taking her turn staring at you and spencer while you stepped out.

"Hellooo, Garcia. What are you doing?" you ask, slowly walking up to her.

She cleared her throat, startling you, " What took you guys so long?!! We're waiting for you at the roundtable, come on," she exclaimed, signaling for you to hurry.

You both dropped your go-bags down by your desks, then made your way up to the round table, where everyone was truly waiting for you .

"Sorry guys, we were out when we got the call" you apologized, finding your seat and sitting down.

"We? What were you two doing this morning?" an uneasy smile appearing on Morgan's face. Morgan had become very protective over you since you joined the bau, pushing away unsubs that would try to flirt with you. You liked that he would do that, but there were times where he didn't need to worry, like this one.

"Calm down dad, we went to the art museum, that's it." you looked over at spencer, who's face turned a light shade of pink.

"Okay that's enough. Let's get started Penelope," Hotch announced, ending the conversation.

Pen nodded her head and cleared her throat, "You, my furry friends will be heading to Long Island, NY. There has been five men in their mid 50s who have been shot in the past two weeks, they also had their… tongues and hands cut off. I've sent all of the pictures to your tablets."

"5 men dead in two weeks? This unsub doesn't have much of a resting period huh," Morgan stated.

"Is there anything that connects these men?" you questioned, looking up from your tablet.

"Besides them being model citizens in town and all having sons in their early 30s, nothing. They've never crossed paths."

"It's possible that they're all surrogates for their father, they might've kept in anger throughout the years and couldn't keep in the anger any longer and started killing." spencer proposed.

"We'll further debrief on the jet. When we get there, y/n and Reid, go talk to the family of the recent victim, Rossi and Morgan go check out the recent crime scene, Emily talk to Chief Whittaker at the station and JJ and I will go to the coroners office. Wheels up in 30."

You all boarded the jet and took your seats. You decided to sit next to JJ and Emily, which you soon found out was a bad idea.

"Soo y/n was it just a trip to the art museum or," Emily smirked, subtly winking at you.

JJ sat up, ready for the prying Emily was about to try and do.

"Oh shut up," you roll your eyes and laugh, "That's all it was, we just wanted to hang out."

"Okay well hey, if you guys do decide to, you know...do more than hangout, please let us be the first to know," JJ chimed in.

You took a look at spencer who was sitting in the seats to your right, a large grin on his face, he heard everything.

"Trust me, we wouldn't ever do that," keeping your eyes on spencer, "Anyways, do you guys want anything? I'm getting some coffee."

"Umm," Emily looked over at JJ for an answer, "no thanks, we're fine."

You got up and went to the back of the jet, pouring yourself a cup of coffee when spencer grabbed you and pushed you against the back wall, his right hand around your neck.

You gulped, "fuck spencer, what are you doing?" you intensely stared into his golden eyes.

" 'We wouldn't ever do that' what do you mean kitten? Did you forget that I tied you up and didn't even have to put my dick in you to almost give you an orgasm?"

You couldn't speak, the only thing you could do was continue staring into his eyes.

He began sliding his hand up the side of your body, kissing and breathing on your neck.

You found yourself going to a place you didn't want to go, a place you so strongly wanted to avoid...the night at the club.

"Spence, spence," you whispered, trying to get his attention," Spencer!" you slightly raised your voice, finally grabbing his attention.

"Get off of me, please," you insisted, hostility taking over your voice.

Before you pushed away and left, you looked at him- he put his hands up, removing himself from you, a doleful look on his face. You felt horrible, but you couldn't go further.

You grabbed your coffee and took your seat. A tear fell down your cheek, but you quickly wiped it away to not worry JJ and emily.   
…

There was no time to spare, when the jet landed, you all got into an suv and headed to your assigned 'area'.

The first couple of minutes in the car were silent, nothing but classical music playing.

"Y/N, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done anything on the jet, my mistake." his voice sounding apologetic and tense.

You knew you couldn't waste time, but you stopped in an alley to try and explain to him; it would only take 5 minutes max.

You sighed, "Spencer, you didn't do anything wrong okay? I just-"

He cut you off, "I must have done something wrong for you to push me off y/n. You can tell me, remember?"

"If you would let me finish" you snarled, "I just got a flashback from the moment the guy touched me. I didn't want my head to go there, but it did," your voice lowering itself back to normal.

" If you don't want to be my submissive anymore then you can tell me, I'll understand."

No-no no no, you still wanted to be his submissive, what the hell did you do.

"No, spencer I still want to be your sub, listen. I'm trying to get better and I'm trying to keep my mind off of the incident, okay?" your voice beginning to crack.

"Fine. But please let me know if you ever plan on ending what we have going on, it's important for me to know."

You nod, then turn the car back on and head to where you needed to be, the victims home.

~ two days later~

You were all working hard to catch this unsub, but every time you guys seemed to get somewhere, it was a dead end.

You were sure that the unsubs father was abusive yet a model citizen in town, but there was a missing piece.

You tried figuring out what was missing...then it hit you; what if the father of the unsub went to jail in another state for abuse but was released for good behavior, then moved to long island to start over, only for him to continue abusing his wife and son?

You dialed Garcia, anxious for an answer, "This is Garcia the tech queen, what do you need buttercup?"

"Hey Garcia, can you look up men ages 25-38 that went to jail in neighboring states in the early 90s for abuse?"

" You gotta give me more sugar, there's 1,000+ men in the system."

"Okay, look up men who were let out on good behavior, then moved to long island in the late 90s with his wife and son. They most likely paid someone else to get rid of their jail record," you added.

"Got it! Mason Jacobs, he was 25 when he went to jail in Pennsylvania, year 1991 for domestic abuse, but was let out 6 years later for good behavior. He moved to long island with his wife Marissa and his son... Daniel Jacobs! He owns a house in long island, but also a small one bedroom house in the outskirts of town. I'll send the addresses to your phones."

"Thanks Garcia," you say briefly before she hung up, "We got him" you confidently tell the others.

"Morgan, Rossi and Emily, you come with me to the first address. Reid, JJ and Y/N, you go to the second address," Hotch orders. You all nod.

You reach the second house, a small cottage like home, surrounded by trees and... a shed in the backyard. You signal for the others to follow behind you.

You put your ear to the door to try and hear if anyone is in there, and there is. You listen in on what he's saying before bursting in.

" You stupid idiot!! Do you not remember what you did to me?! You touched me and you said dirty things to me you scum, how could you forget?" the disembodied violent voice ringing in your ears.

"What? What are you talking about? I didn't do anything to you, I don't even know you!" the victims voice was weak.

You finally burst in; The shed was dark and cold, there only being two small lamps lighting up the room.

"Daniel Jacobs, FBI, drop your weapon," you demanded.

"No! NO I have to do this, I have to kill him, he-he did things to me. You don't understand."

"I do understand, trust me I understand your pain, but this is no way to hurt someone else for their actions," you gaze at him with a sincere look in your eyes, "But Daniel, this is not your dad. If you put your gun down, I will take you to see him, okay? Put it down," you direct your gun down to the floor, then point it back to him.

"Really?" his voice becoming wary.

"Yes, I will take you to him, but only if you put your gun down."

"Well guess what bitch? I KILLED HIM ALREADY," he shot you, sending you down to the concrete slab that was behind you.

You heard another shot, but you knew it wasn't at you, it was at him. He was down as well.

You patted yourself down to see if you were shot anywhere that wasn't covered by your vest, but thankfully you weren't .

Although you weren't dangerously injured, you did hit your head pretty badly. You couldn't focus on anything at the time, but you could feel someone picking you up, so you put your hands around their neck and laid your head on their chest.

After a few minutes you started to regain consciousness.

"Spencer, spencer, where's Spencer??" your tone of voice was soft, vexed.

"Shh, I'm here y/n, you're fine. We're taking you to the hospital right now. Stay awake for me." You felt at peace in his arms, you felt safe.

You did as you were told and stayed awake the whole trip to the emergency room. You didn't understand why the trip was so urgent, all you did was hit your head.

They took you to a small room where they did some tests to see if anything life threatening happened.

You kept telling them that you only had a bruise from the bullet that hit your vest and probably a small concussion from falling on the slab of concrete.

"Y/N, why didn't you just let them do the tests without having to say you're okay every two seconds?" spencer questioned.

"Because I already know nothing's wrong," you muttered, holding an ice pack to the back of your head.

There was a knock at the door, which you assumed was the doctor.

"Well hello y/n, I'm Doctor Rowland, how are you holding up?" she held her hand out to greet you.

You took her hand, "Hi, I'm fine, thank you. I have a small concussion don't I?" you responded in a 'told you so' manner.

"Yes, you do in fact have a small concussion," she chuckled, handing you a prescription for you to pickup.

"You'll have to pick this prescription up from the pharmacy. Unfortunately, the pharmacy is closed right now, but you can pick it up tomorrow morning."

"Thank you doctor, is that it?" Spencer finally speaking up.

"Yes it is. I'd advise you to not be active for 48 hours, strictly on bed rest. Have a good night," she replied with a warm smile, then exited the room.

"How about we go buy some ice cream and you eat if off of me....Doctor Spencer Reid," you tilt your head facing him, a playful smirk pulling at your lips.

"That sounds good, but no. You need your sleep and you're staying with me, got it?" he stands up and places his hand around your waist for support.

You roll your eyes, "Ugh, fine. You're no fun y'know."

"You better calm down before I cancel the things I have planned for us after your recovery, kitten," he whispered.


	10. TEN

It had been a week since you hit your head. You only needed to stay on bed rest for 48 hours, but Hotch insisted on you taking the week off instead.

After the first two days of staying at spencer's place, you tried to get him to let you go back to your apartment, but he was being stubborn.

He was constantly checking up on you, calling you every two hours with the same questions-

"Hey y/n, how are you?", "Have you ate?", "Have you taken your medication?" You were thankful for how thoughtful and sweet he was, but he had asked those same questions every day for 5 days.

By the end of the week, you were tired of laying around in his apartment watching movies and waiting every two hours for a call from spencer, so you decided to send him a.... text..

Y/N: hey spencer, when are you coming back? I want to... do something..

It took him a couple of minutes to reply, which you were okay with because you knew he was at work. He had called you two hours prior to tell you that he would be coming back that evening, which meant he was either on the jet or about to leave Arizona.

Spencer: I'm coming back at around 6:00. What do you want to do kitten?

Y/N: i was thinking that you should tie me up again and maybe, just maybe let me come this time.

Spencer: Have you been a bad girl these past few days? Cause if not, then I have no problem tying you up again and sticking my dick inside of you this time y/n, possibly even letting you climax.

Fuck, he had you hot and bothered by a single text message.

Y/N: yes, I've been a good girl, trust me. just letting you know though Doctor Reid, if you don't come back quick enough, you might find me in your bed pleasing myself.

Spencer: And if I come home to you pleasing yourself? What's going to happen?

Y/N: I'll just let you look at me. you won't be able to touch me, or touch yourself. anyways, I'm tired.. I'll see you tonight doctor;)

Spencer: See you tonight kitten. I hope you'll be ready for me.

Oh you were definitely going to be ready for him. This was the first time in over a month that you were going to 'play' again, and you wanted to make it good.

You decided to clean up the apartment, and wash his clothes because although he brought you some clothes from your apartment, you stole a lot of his shirts and hoodies while he was gone.

By the time you finished cleaning, it was 5:00, exactly an hour before he said he would be back. Which meant that you had to get yourself ready, starting off with a shower.

You quickly took a shower and changed into a black lacy bra and underwear set you bought soon after you became spencer's submissive.

You had a couple of minutes before he got back, your heart beating out of your chest. To calm yourself down, you went to his kitchen and grabbed a glass of wine. You took your wine glass and sat on his kitchen counter, anxiously waiting for him to walk through the door.

You start hearing steps outside of the apartment door, keys jingling and clinging together, the correct key finally making its way into the door knob.

You eye the doorknob, it turning to the right while the sound of keys still clashing together rings in your ears. The door finally opens and spencer bursts in, dropping his go bag and satchel as he quickly walks over to you.

He cups your cheeks with his hands and gazes into your eyes, his lips inches away from yours.

His breath hit your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

"So, are you going to kiss me or are you going to just stare into my eyes?" you playfully rolled your eyes and chuckled.

He took one last good look at you, his mouth curving into a smile, before pouncing his lips onto yours, slipping his tongue into your mouth.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and your hands around his neck. You weren't so sure you wanted to play tonight, you wanted to have plain vanilla sex, nothing else. You knew you had to tell him, but before, you began kissing down his neck leaving faint hickeys on his collarbone.

"S-Spencer," you stammered in a breathy tone. He had moved down to your neck, returning the faire share of hickeys on your chest.

He paused, giving quick kisses up your neck, his hand grasping your waist.

You tilted his chin up to your face, a doleful look appearing on your face. He scanned your face, his brows knitting together.

"What's wrong kitten? Tell me," he questioned with a gentle voice.

"I feel bad for asking this but, can we just have simple vanilla sex tonight? no playing, just us having sex and then snuggling up together under the covers," you muttered.

"You know I won't force you to do anything you aren't in the mood for. If that's what you want to do, then we'll do it."

You took a deep breath before aggressively making out with him once more, this time he picked you up and took you to his bedroom.

He laid you on his bed, careful to not hurt your head. You took off your undergarments in what felt like 0.2 seconds, then looked up to see that spencer was already undressed, his thin boxers being the only article of clothing left on his body.

You looked down at the bulge that was very visible, then glanced back up at spencer, giving him a smirk. You touched his hard member, still glancing up at him every few seconds, his mouth gaping open from pleasure.

He grinned before taking off his boxers and pushing you into the mattress, a moan escaping your throat which you had tried to swallow down.

He teased you by rubbing the his head up and down your slit, then unexpectedly inserting himself into you.

You gasped, your fingernails digging into his back as he pounded into you. You found yourself screaming his name, but quickly bit down on your lip so the neighbors couldn't hear you.

He slowed down, almost taking his member out before sliding back into your slit at the same pace and rhythm.

You were almost at climax, you could feel your legs beginning to tremble, your body needing release.

"Spencer, s-spencer I'm about to-" you released. He wasn't telling you if you could or could not come, it was vanilla sex after all.

He laid on top of your for a split second before rolling next to you. You were both panting, looking up at the ceiling with a pleased smile.

After a few seconds of silence, you got up to grab a wipe to clean yourself and spencer up.

"Sorry about that," you apologize while both of you clean yourselves up.

"For what? All you did was come" he chuckled, playfully pushing your shoulder.

"Well yeah, but-" you got up and threw the wipes in the trash, then headed to the restroom to wash your hands.

"Shut up y/n, come and lay with me, we both need some sleep" he insisted, motioning for you to hurry into the bed with him.

"Fine, fine. But how about you take a shower and get yourself ready for bed first," you teased.

"Will do Miss y/l/n."   
———————-

You were planning on taking a shower, changing, then snuggling up with Spencer, but you guys decided to hit a round two in the shower.

After the spectacular shower sex you partook in, you took out a freshly washed hoodie, Spencer's of course , out of the dryer and put it on. You headed back to his bedroom and crawled into his bed, his arms already laid out for you to enter.

You could never get tired of the smell and warmth of spencer's body, you always found yourself craving him at times.

You felt like you could stay in his arms forever and be safe, no matter what was happening around you. You found spencer attractive, of course you did, you couldn't think of how someone couldn't find him insanely attractive.

The thing was, you began finding yourself needing him more and more everyday, not only needing him to fill your sexual needs, but needing him to love you and care for you romantically. 

Uh oh, did you want this bdsm experience to lead into a relationship with spencer? Or were you just crazy and lonely?

You shook away those thoughts and focused back onto spencer, who was slowly but surely falling asleep. You didn't want it to end, but you couldn't stay there forever, even though you wanted to.

You smiled, his face so angelic when he slept. He looked amazing while doing anything- sleeping, reading, working, and of course, doing you.


	11. ELEVEN

You had been thinking constantly about your feelings over Spencer. You liked him, and not platonically, but romantically, and you didn't know how to feel about it.

You knew that if you pursued a romantic relationship with him, it would intertwine with your work and you wouldn't be able to focus on your job.

It was difficult to keep your gaze away from him, you loved looking at his golden locks of hair and how amazing your fingers would look lost in- no, no no no. Stop.

You regretted having normal sex with him, even though it was quite frankly the most amazing sex you had ever had. You wanted your friendship to be strictly playing... experimenting with bdsm, nothing but that. And although you wanted what you had going on to be more than just a friend helping out another friend, you knew that if you had him to yourself, you wouldn't know how to act.

You fluttered your eyelids a couple of times to bring yourself out of your daydream, you didn't want to find yourself drooling over spencer at work. There hadn't been a case to solve so all you had to do was paperwork for the whole day, yay.

You were finally focusing on your paperwork when all of a sudden you felt a tap on your shoulder.

"Hi buttercup, how are you?" Penelope exclaimed.

"Hi pen, I'm- I'm hanging in there," a fake smile plastered on your face.

She raised an eyebrow, studying you, "You're not okay are you?" she queried.

"What?- I'm fine Garcia, just a little bit tired from work is all," you were lying, you were frustrated from trying to figure out what the hell you felt for spencer.

"Okay okay, well tonight the team and I are going out for some dinner and drinks, just wanted to come ask if you wanted to go?"

You nodded, "Yeah that sounds fun. What time?"

"Yay!! Okay at 7:30, I'll send you the address," she clapped her hands and walked back up to her cave, her heels clanking against the floor.

You let out a sharp breath and got back to the enormous stack of paperwork you had on your desk, thankful for the short conversation you had with Penelope.

The workday went by slowly, ecstatic when you saw the clock hit 5:30. You grabbed your bag and headed to the elevator in a fast pace, trying your best to avoid anyone from joining you.

You got onto the elevator calmly, closing your eyes shortly before being interrupted by the all time famous Doctor Spencer Reid.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" his voice was stern.

"What do you mean? Can I not just have a bad day every now and then?" your brows furrowed, your voice sour.

He began pushing you up against the wall, his hand beginning to tighten around your neck. You didn't give him the response he wanted, so what you did was look into his eyes and smirk, your tongue sliding across your top teeth.

"I'm not avoiding you, you idiot, I was just thinking about how-" his hand tightening, "How I'm considering dominating you next time we play," you pushed him off, grabbing his neck in return, "Because I can do everything that you've done to me, to you," you winked, letting go of his neck.

You grabbed your bag and walked out of the elevator, "Close your mouth Spencer," you chuckled, not looking back to see him.   
…

You got to your apartment and kicked off your boots, immediately falling on the couch. You were exhausted and needed a short break before getting ready.

You checked the address Garcia sent you, the place being 30 minutes away meaning that if you wanted to get ready, it would have to be asap. 

You quickly got up and headed to your closet, scrimmaging through in an effort to find something cute.

You stopped and took out a dark purple slip dress, examining it before taking off your clothes and changing into it.

You looked in the mirror to check how it looked on your body, your hands smoothing down the dress.

You looked... hot... your thighs and thick figure in the dress made you fall in love with yourself for a split second.

You stopped staring at yourself in the mirror and put on your black heels along with your jewelry.

You checked the time,6:30, shit- you only had 30 minutes to put on your makeup and start driving to the restaurant.

You ran to the bathroom and began applying your makeup, which you decided to keep minimal. You went for a blush eyeshadow and nude lip, adding highlight to your cheekbones once you were done.

You grabbed your phone and purse and headed out the door, almost falling while getting to your car.

The drive to the restaurant was fairly calm, no text messages from the team, no messages from spencer, thankfully.

You were quite nervous as to what spencer was going to do when you dominated him for a quick moment during the elevator ride, you still weren't sure what he would do to you when you were both alone.

When you reached your destination, you grabbed your purse and exited your car. You made your way inside, your eyes looking around the place to spot them. You heard your name being called and your eyes shot to a pretty large booth in the back of the restaurant.

You smiled and walked over to them, spencer standing up to let you in, your eyes focused on everyone else rather than on spencer.

15 minutes passed by, a waiter then coming to take the teams drinks down.

"And what would you like to drink ma'am?" the lady turning her focus onto you.

"I'd like a marga-"

"She'd like a water, thank you," spencer nodded- this man ordered for you when you could've simply done it yourself.

This time you glared at him, your eyes boring into the side of his face. You didn't know what he was doing or why he was doing it, but you weren't enjoying a bit of it.

You cleared your throat, "Spencer, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Ouhh, pretty boy is in trouble," Morgan mimicked.

"Uh, yeah sure," his nose scrunching up.

You put your hand on his shoulder and slightly pushed on it to speed him up. You didn't know your way around, but you took him to the alley behind the restaurant.

"What the hell was that?! I could've ordered for myself, I'm a grown ass woman," you asked aggressively.

"I'm sorry kitten, but I didn't want you to drink because of what I had planned for tonight."

"Okay first of all, spencer why do you keep calling me 'kitten'? Why do you agree to let me sleep in your bed with you when we finish playing. Tell me because i'm tired of feeling like there's something between us that isn't just platonic," you exclaim, your breaths becoming more rapid due to your frustration being let out.

"You don't like it? You don't like any of it?" he muttered.

"No, I do spencer and that's the problem. I like everything that we're doing, I love your kisses and I love being in your arms at night, but I want to know if you feel what I feel."

You take a glance at his face, he looked concerned, sad almost.

"If all you want to do is tie me up, spank me and treat me like a rag doll, then that's fine but I just want to know."

He put his hands on your shoulders, "I want you y/n, so fucking badly. I've liked you ever since we first met on the elevator," the most sincere tone echoing in his voice.

"Can we leave? I know we just got here but," you puffed, "What did you have planned for us?"

The corners of his mouth turned up, a devious smile tugging at his lips, "I was going to.. I was going to bend you over my knee and spank you and-"

"You don't even have to finish that sentence, come on," you yanked him inside and walked to the booth the team was in.

"Where were you two at?" Rossi asked brusquely. The teams eyes all darted on your smiley face, "And why are you so happy?" JJ chimed in.

"Oh um, nothing I just got a message from my um... mom... my sister is pregnant and she wants me to go see her," that was a lie too, I mean you couldn't tell the team you were going to be spanked and tied up by spencer now could you.

"OMG REALLY?!" Garcia asked in a giddy tone, "Can I go with you to see her?"

"Spencer volunteered already, sorry penny. But I'll tell you how it went on Monday okay?"

"Yeah yeah go on, don't worry!" she squealed.

"Sorry for leaving so soon guys, I didn't know this was going to come up," you were a good liar weren't you. This team was filled with amazing profilers yet none could tell that you were lying.

"It's fine y/n, go on and see your sister," Hotch insisted, signaling for you to go.

"Okay okay, bye guys, be good and don't get too drunk," you giggled, waving goodbye as you turn to spencer, giving him the biggest smile.

Three months ago you weren't so sure you wanted to be spanked and tied up but now you couldn't wait when spencer brought the request on the table.

"Who brought you spencer? Your car isn't here," you asked as you stepped out of the restaurant.

"JJ, she asked me if she could this morning."

"Okay good then, I'll take you to your apartment," you clarify.

"I can drive Y/N, don't worry," he chuckled.

The ride to his apartment was silent, but at any moment the sexual tension could cut through the air, either of you barely keeping yourselves away from each other.

Spencer parked the car and came over to open your door, thanking him before he grabbed your hand and walked quickly up to his apartment.

Your heart began to pump so fast you felt as though it would rip through your chest at any second.

His keys jingled as he took them out of his pocket, finding the right one then putting it into the keyhole and turning it, opening the door.

He once again pulled you into his bedroom and placed you in front of him, he began drawing his lower lip between his teeth and looking you up and down.

"You're fucking beautiful kitten, truly."

You tucked a strand of hair in your face behind your ear, your cheeks becoming a rosy tint.

"You're a goddess, like fuck, you- I hope you know you're as beautiful as I think you are."

"I hope you know you're as gorgeous as I see you too," your eyes meeting his.

He blinked for a couple of seconds, his smile slowly fading, yours fading as well as you saw his expression turn serious.

"Strip" he demanded.

Here we go again.

"Fuck me till I can't walk Doctor Reid, do it," you implored, your tone serious as you stripped.

"Oh kitten you know I will."


	12. TWELVE

You stripped down to your panties then sat on his bed, glancing up and giving him a faint mischievous smile.

A puddle began appearing in your panties and he hadn't even done anything yet, just stare at you and and lick his lips at the sight of you 90% naked.

"So doctor, what are you gonna do now?" you simpered.

He took one last look at you, one hand in his pocket, the other rubbing his chin, then went to his bed and picked you up, bending you over his knee.

The unexpected motion made you wince, not out of pain or fear, but of how sensitive you already were to his touch. You wanted him to do it all already, but he was going too slow for your liking.

"Fuuck spencer, hurry up," you whimpered.

"Alright that's 5 for you misbehaving in the elevator and trying to dominate me, and 5 for you telling me to hurry up, got it kitten?"

"Yes," you breathed, "y-yes doctor."

You heard spencer rubbing his hand on your ass, preparing to spank you...10 times... fuck.

"You're going to count okay? But first, tell me why i'm spanking you again?"

"Because I- I misbehaved in the elevator at work and," you shivered due to his hand ghosting over your skin, "and for telling you to hurry up."

"Good. Will this help you learn to not do that anymore?" he asked in a husky tone.

"Yes, yes it will, I promise not to do it again."

He chuckled, his hands grabbing your waist. You took a deep breath in, his hand hitting your ass as soon as you exhale.

"One." the puddle in your panties felt like it would overflow at any moment. You were wary of him spanking you, you had never been spanked before and it was quite different.

Again. "Two" you yelped.

You knew he enjoyed spanking you, the smirk that was on his face before he bent you over his knee was pure enjoyment, you could tell. But, he's done this to Violet before, so it's nothing special.

Again. Nothing came out of your mouth this time, you were too busy thinking about how he's done this before... but not to you..

He cleared his throat, "y/n, count," his voice modulated.

"Fuck, sorry," you apologized, "Three."

You brushed off all thoughts you were having on spencers ex-playmate, it wasn't the time, you were waiting for him to do this to you for months.

Again. "Four." Blood rushed to your ass, it stinged a bit but it was nothing you couldn't handle- you were a big girl. You began biting your bottom lip, stopping the moans trying to escape your throat. You tilted your head up to look up to the ceiling, your breaths becoming more rapid.

Again. "Five."

Again. "Six."

Again. "Seven."

Again. "Eight."

Again. "Nine."

Again. "Ten."

You ached- halfway through you couldn't keep in your moans anymore, growing louder and louder. Your panties were soaked and spencer made sure to let you know almost every time his hand hit your ass, making you giggle.

"Did that teach you to listen to me and obey me?" he questioned.

"y-yes."

"Okay, good. Get up and lay on the bed, hands up on the bed frame," he ordered.

You did as you were told, a giddy "yep" coming out of your mouth as you climbed onto the bed. This, this was your favorite part.

He tightened the rope around your wrists, tying them onto the bedposts. You pushed yourself down the bed a little bit and spread your legs for him to tie them as well.

"Are they too tight?"

"Nope. They're fine," you reassured with a pop on the p.

"You're a bit too excited for this aren't you y/n?"

"Well i've been waiting for this for a while so of course i'm excited," you exclaimed. You have been waiting for him for a good minute, not just vanilla sex you were craving, it was him handcuffing you and doing anything to you while you sit and enjoy.

He looked you up and down, his eyes resting on your panties, "Did me spanking you really turn you on?" his hand rubbing his chin.

"Yes spencer, yes it did."

He took a last glance at your before he began undressing himself, his thin lavender boxers being the last piece of clothing left on his body.

You never noticed how toned and gorgeous his body was, it never mattered to you, his personality and kindness was what won you over. You liked him either way, but you fell further in love with his attractiveness, how toned his stomach and biceps were.

His boxers laid low on his waist, his v line beginning to peek out. He started to get hard- fuck you could barely keep yourself away from him and now you were tied up and couldn't touch him.

You gulped, you were ready for him to pounce on you and let his tongue and fingers inside of you. You wanted him to speed up the process but you couldn't tell him or else he wouldn't let you come, which you needed him to let you do.

He gazed over your body one last time before aggressively pulling down your panties, fully exposing you. He had seen you naked before, but you still felt weird being fully exposed infront of spencer although he's told you on multiple accounts that you were beautiful.

Instead of his fingers diving into you first, it was his tongue that made his way into your slit. You let out a small moan but made sure you didn't pull on the ropes this time.

His tongue made its way in and out of your slit and up your core. He stopped all of a sudden but immediately kissed your slit as well as your thighs, slightly blowing cold air onto you causing you to whimper from the sensitivity.

You looked down to meet his golden eyes, you could feel him chuckling between your thick thighs, damn how attractive this man was. If you weren't tied up right now you would be pushing his head down, taking that devious smirk off of his lips.

He stopped once more, this time using your thighs to push himself up to meet you at eye level.

"You want me to fuck you now y/n? or do you want me to tease you just a bit?" a seductive smile tugging at both ends of his lips while his fingers ran down to your nipples, circling them.

You gasped and lolled your head back, "Fuck me senseless. I want to be sore tomorrow and not be able to walk correctly. Please doctor reid, i've been a good girl," you whined.

"Hmph," he muttered, "You have been a good girl haven't you."

"Mhmm."

He grabbed one of your nipples and began pulling and twisting them, teasing you by rubbing his dick along your clit.

Fucking spencer, he said no teasing.

You pulled on the ropes to grab his attention; you didn't want to ruin your chances of coming tonight but you needed him to listen to your needs.

"Okay okay bub, I know what you want." He pushed himself into you, his fingers still fiddling with your nipples. You knew you were already about to hit climax, but you needed spencer to tell you if you could or not and you hated that part of playing.

His pace accelerated, pounding into you and hitting your g spot every single time. Your moans couldn't be kept in your throat any longer, his name being yelled out time and time again.

"s-spencer can i, oh fuuck, can i come?" you muttered, the room echoing with moans and groans coming from both of you.

"Not yet kitten," he snapped.

Your legs started to tremble, finding yourself tighten around his dick. You could not keep it in anymore, you had to release yourself, you had to let yourself reach euphoria unlike the first time you played with spencer. You knew he had to reach climax himself but he needed to speed it up because you needed to let. go.

"Now. Come now," he blurted.

You came, "Shit, fuck. Fuck Spencer oh my god."

He hovered over you then leaned down to your neck and began kissing down your collar bone, leaving faint hickeys on your chest.

"I hate you," you teased.

"What?? what did I do?" he huffed, laying down beside you.

You tried to control your breathing, still heavy from how hard he was going at it, "You won't just let me come when I need to. Not fair you know," you wooed, turning to your right to give him puppy dog eyes.

"Okay but when you did it felt amazing though, right?"

"Yeah but- shut up," you pushed his shoulder, his giggle causing you to smile, looking at his pearly straight white teeth.

He sighed, getting up and putting his hands behind his head, "Alright well I'm going to go take a shower, you can join if you'd like," he insisted, bending down to kiss your head.

"I'm okay spence, I'll just scroll on my phone then take a shower when you get out," the sentence almost inaudible as you yawned.

He pursed his lips and nodded, making his way to the bathroom.

You walked over to his drawer and took out an oversized shirt from one of those conventions he attended with penelope the week after you both met.

You grabbed your phone and sat crisscross on his bed, turning it on to automatically be bombarded by text messages and calls from penelope: 

Penelope: Y/N!! HOW IS YOUR SISTER?!!

Penelope: Y/n, are you okay? I've called you six times already.

Penelope: How's spencer? Are you guys still at your sisters house?

Penelope: PICK UP!! Are you okay? Y/N please send a picture or text.

Oh shit you forgot you told the team your sister was pregnant and you had to leave abruptly in the beginning of dinner and drinks.

You dialed her number and after two rings, she picked up.

"Y/N, WHAT THE HELL?!!" you closed your eyes shut and moved the phone from your ear due to the loudness of her voice.

"Oh my god pen you were about to blow out my ear drum."

"That's the least of my problems sugar. Why didn't you reply to any of my messages or calls? I was beginning to worry," she stammered, spewing out her words.

"I'm sorry, really. I was carried away with planning her.. future?" you furrowed your brows, mouthing 'shit' .

"Her future?" Penelope asked apprehensively.

"Yeah... you know... house remodeling and such," you hesitated.

"Right. Okay well next time please don't leave your phone on do not disturb. I don't want to have to track you."

"Please don't Penelope," a fake laugh exiting your mouth while your eyes widened. 

"I love you y/n."

"I love you-" there was a knock at the door causing you to get up and tip toe to the entrance of spencers room.

"I love you too Garcia, but hey I have to go okay?"

"Okay, bye sugar," she squealed, hanging up so you wouldn't have to.

"Who is it y/n?" spencer yelled from the bathroom.

They knocked again so you rushed over and checked the peephole- a woman that seemed to be in her late 20's- early 30's.

You unlocked the door and slowly opened it, a gentle smile laying on your lips.

"Hi, who are you?" you questioned.

"Oh my, is that- is that you spencer?" she shouted.

Your eyebrows knitted together, your eyes trying to study her to see if you had ever met her . You turned around to see spencer by his bedroom door with only a towel around his waist.

You gave him a 'what and who the fuck' look, how come you've never heard about her? She clearly seemed like she knew spencer.

She rushed over to him and tightly hugged him, her hands grabbing his face while she intensely stared into his eyes.

Your gaze redirected to the floor, your lips pursed together while your arms were crossed over your chest.

Who the hell was this?


	13. THIRTEEN

You glared at spencer, an apologetic smile on his lips, 'I'm sorry' he mouthed to you.

Your dead pan face stared at spencer, then bored into the back of that bitches head. You felt betrayed that spencer never brought her up or slightly talked about her.

You thought you knew everything about him and his past, but you guessed wrong.

You cleared your throat, "Who are you?" your arms still crossed over your chest as you leaned on the door.

"Oh, yeah! Hi my name is Heidi, spencer and I have been talking," she held her hand up to greet you, you turning her down by holding your hand up.

Her smile slowly faded when you rejected her handshake, her hand lowering down to wipe it on her pants.

You looked past her and saw spencer, his eyes wandering everywhere else besides your face. He didn't want to face you because he already knew you were infuriated without even having to look at you.

"Talking? Well um i'll leave, to let you guys talk. Just gonna take this off first," you started lifting up the oversized shirt you had on.

Heidi turned away while spencer bolted towards you and held onto the shirt, "Hey, hey um how about you go change okay?" he gulped, "We can talk about this tomorrow, just grab your things and go, please," he whispered, his hot breath hitting the side of your face.

You pushed him away and furiously walked into his room, your eyes beginning to fill up with tears. You slammed the door and began changing into the clothes you had on for the team dinner date.

You couldn't hold your tears anymore, letting out silent sobs while you put your heels on and grabbed your purse.

You left his room and began walking towards his front door without looking at either one of them.

"Shit," you heard the barely audible voice coming from spencer. You paused for a second, assuming he would come running after you, but felt discouraged after a couple of seconds.

You made your way down the stairs and around the corner to your car. Why the hell did he park your car this far from his apartment, now you had to walk down the street at 10 pm.

"Y/N, wait," spencer protested in a panicky voice.

You wiped your tears away and continued walking. You began to hear heavy breathing and keys jingling, which you assumed was spencer jogging to come and try to stop you.

The heavy breathing was right behind you, a hand grabbing onto your arm causing you to flinch.

"Oh my god spencer what the hell do you want?!" you finally turned to look at him. Your mascara was running down your cheeks leaving dark streaks.

You felt your heart tear as soon as you saw his face, himself beginning to tear up.

"Spencer, who the hell is that? You guys are 'talking'?" you held up your fingers creating air quotations.

He opened his mouth signaling that he was going to start speaking, but quickly closed it as he knew you weren't done talking.

"You- you told me that you liked me, that you were interested in me, remember?" your voice cracking in the middle of your sentence.

"Y/N, i'm still interested in you, I always have been. This isn't what you think it is. Can you please just trust me?" he grabbed your chin and tilted it up to to his face. He wiped your tears and gave you a broken smile; you were both broken and you felt horrible for making him tear up.

"Then what is it like Reid? Please let me in on whatever is going on."

"The talking we've done is about you. Heidi is someone I met in the academy, her and I were close friends and I came to her for help."

Your brows furrowed from confusion, your mouth dropping down to speak but nothing would come out. Shit. You already felt like a bitch for making spencer cry- fucking cry, and now you made a scene in-front of his friend.

"Can you please come back inside? You don't even have to talk to her, just sit in my room," sympathy echoing in his voice.

You hesitated- you didn't want to walk into his apartment and see her scared off by how sensitive you are. She probably thought you were an immature 28 year old who jumped to conclusions quickly.

You let out a long breath, "Okay fine but can I take these heels off real quick? My feet hurt already."

He chuckled and swept you up, carrying you over his shoulder as you yelped and giggled.

"Okay okay spencer can you put me down. I feel light headed," you murmured as spencer got to his apartment door. He put you down and grabbed your waist due to you almost falling back from the dizziness.

"You know you're the only woman I plan on spending my life with right?"

Spend his life with? Your stomach was filled with butterflies- did he just say you were the only woman he wanted to spend his life with??

You grabbed his face and studied it trying to figure out if his statement was sincere or not- and it was.

The breath's between you both were warm, your lips hovering over his while your right hand held his cheek and your left laid on the back of his neck. His hands moved to the doorframe, trapping you between both of his arms.

Your lips touched, the sting of warmth hit you like a wave, your mouth engulfing his and your tongues diving into one another's.

The kiss was rough, your hand grabbing and softly pulling his soft golden curls as his hand grabbed your waist once again.

You paused, "Spencer, Heidi is still here.." Oh no she probably heard the slight groans coming from the both of you.

"Mhm," he mumbled, kissing your neck, going over your faint hickeys.

You pushed him away and fixed yourself up, your hands smoothing your dress then fixing up your hair as spencers eyes ran up and down your body.

"Lets go back in," you insisted. You were not about to continue your make out session outside of his apartment while someone was inside.

You opened the door and saw Heidi sitting on the couch with her hands between her thighs.

You could tell she was nervous and it was most likely due to you almost stripping in front of her then bawling your eyes out as you walked out.

"Umm... Hi Heidi," you creeped in, pursing your lips as she turned towards you.

"Sorry about how I acted before, I kinda ... freaked out," you apologized in a mid register, enough for her to hear you from across the room.

She got up from the couch and slowly walked over to you, "It's fine, don't worry. I should've explained what we were talking about."

" I'm sorry if I spooked you with how sensitive and emotional I was, I get jealous sometimes," you chuckled.

"No no it's fine don't worry about it, really. If you want I can go, I can come back another day."

"Stay. It's not a problem," you reassured her in a lighthearted tone. Your voice was soft and calm- you wanted her to believe that you were a soft person with only a hint of emotional bitchy-ness.

Spencer walked in behind you, fixing himself up you supposed.

You didn't notice what he had on until now; he had on a black FBI academy sweatshirt with gray sweatpants and two different socks, one that was purple with blue and yellow dinosaurs while the other was black with orange, blue and green dinosaurs. He paired the look off with footed sandals, he looked slightly funny but it was cute.

"You guys keep apologizing back and forth, it's funny don't you think?" Spencer interrupted, clearing his throat.

"Shut up, I just feel bad," you remarked, slightly pushing onto him. You truly felt bad for coming off aggressive and angry.

Yes, spencer never told you about her which irritated you, but you reacted in an over-emotional manner. You simply could've gotten dressed and left without telling spencer or Heidi anything- you could've hidden your feelings.

"No need to feel bad for anything y/n, you're perfectly fine. I can tell you really like spencer though, you get quite feisty when another woman hugs on him."

You looked at spencer then looked back down to your feet, adjusting your rings out of embarrassment.

"It's cute y/n, trust me," spencer reassured as he pulled you back into his chest, grabbing onto your waist.

Your cheeks turned a rosy pink, your hands them coming up to cover your face, "I should go wash up and head to sleep, it was nice to meet you Heidi, hopefully the next time we see each other it won't be like this," you opened your arms, signaling for her to give you a hug.

She walked into your arms, tightly hugging you back. You let her out of your grasp then headed to Spencer's room and locking the door.

You took off your clothes and turned the shower on, letting the water warm up before walking in.

You shut your eyes and let out a sharp breath you kept in throughout the whole conversation you had between yourself and heidi.

She was a calm person, unlike how you felt for the last portion of the night. Hopefully what she said about the way you reacted was true, which you doubted because no woman sees another woman act that way and think it was "totally fine."

Your shower was quite long, lasting a good 30 minutes under the warm water until your fingertips looked like raisins.

You changed into one of Spencer's hoodies and a pair of his boxers once you got out. You tiptoed to his bed and crawled in, your arms laying to your sides as you stared up at the ceiling.

You heard spencer talking, his sentences almost inaudible, but still loud enough for you to listen in.

"I really like her, I want her to be my girlfriend but I'm not sure if either of us are ready for a relationship."

"Why won't you talk to her about it? You guys have been.... doing whatever you guys are doing and it's been a good three and a half months," heidi replied in a soothing, nurturing tone.

"It's just- you know I was addicted to dilaudid, and I'm still recovering from that addiction," he huffed, "Heidi what if I relapse? And she has to be there to see me go through that, and help me sober up again. I don't want her to see me that way."

"Spencer, she clearly loves you. If she loves you like she seems she does, she will be by your side no matter what."

"I love her. I want her to know that I would do anything for her, I want her to feel safe with me," his voice was wobbly, his voice sounding croaky.

Your eyes began to water, a tear suddenly falling down your cheek. You loved him too, you loved him for so long and there was no doubt about it.

You felt safe in his arms, you felt safe when you were with him or around him no matter what situation you were placed in.

If spencer was with you or in your proximity, you felt secure and protected.

"I love you too Reid" you mouthed as you drifted into sleep.

You both loved each other and wanted to pursue a relationship, but were you ready for it?

Were you ready to be there for him when he felt like relapsing? Were you ready to be by his side is he does relapse?

You loved him and there was nothing that would stop you from giving him your full support and attention.

Nothing.


	14. FOURTEEN

TW!!! this chapter mentions slight abuse!

You woke up with spencer's arms around you, one under your neck and the other wrapped around your waist. His head was laying on your shoulder, his hair brushing against your jaw.

You raised your hand up to his hair and began playing with his messy curls, raking your fingers through the messy bed hair he had. You wanted to stay that way forever, not many words exchanged by either of you besides 'i love you' .

'i love her' those three words he told Heidi last night kept replaying in your head, causing your heart rate to begin increasing. You were worried that when those words left his mouth, you wouldn't be able to say anything in return. They would turn you into putty, your mouth shutting like your lips were glued shut.

You were upset that you hadn't already told him you loved him, he was freaking out over confessing his love for you while you were acting like everything was fine and nothing was bothering you.

His head began to turn, a soft yawn coming from his mouth. You turned to look at him, his golden eyes already looking up to meet your brown eyes. You smiled at him, "good morning" you mumbled while covering your mouth to yawn.

He chuckled, "You know yawns are actually contagious?" he moved himself into a comfortable laying position and began moving his hands to explain, "Yawning is triggered when we see another person yawn, obviously, but it's actually a form of echo phenomena- the act of imitating another humans words or actions, in this case actions, which is called echopraxia."

"You could've simply said yawning is contagious boy genius." you teased, a playful grin pulling at your lips.

Your grin faded, your face then turning serious as you were about to ask about the conversation spencer and Heidi had the night before.

You took in a sharp breath and shut your eyes for a second. You turned to him and laid your head on his chest, your finger drawing circles on his tummy, "Spencer." you mumbled.

"Mhm"

"What did you and Heidi talk about?" you knew exactly what they talked about but you wanted to know if he would tell you or keep it to himself.

"You. I told you already kitten." his tone was peaceful yet serious, the way someone would sound when they didn't want to get into a topic. 

"But I just want you to-" you were cut off by spencer's phone buzzing on the nightstand. He lightly pushed you to the side and sat up to answer the call.

Why wouldn't he just tell you what they talked about? It was the perfect time for him to tell you he loved you and maybe even sneak some morning sex in before the day started. Maybe he wasn't ready, or maybe he was but had a certain time and place planned for him to confess.

You decided to get up and head to the bathroom since you were 99% sure it was Hotch calling to inform you guys that there was a new case.

You put your shoes on then grabbed your bag, tip-toeing to the door so spencer wouldn't hear you leaving. You knew it was wrong to leave without telling him anything but you weren't in the mood to make anymore conversation.

"Y/N?"

"I'm leaving Spencer, I'll see you at work," you paused, maybe there wasn't a case and it was a call from his mom or something, "We have a case... right?"

"YEAH, BE THERE BY 12" he called out from his bedroom.

"Okay then! You can take the train, subway, whatever you take to work today." You usually drove him to work everyday or every time a case popped up, but being in the car with spencer in the excruciating silence wasn't the way you wanted to spend the beginning of your afternoon.

"But-"

"Bye bye, see you in two hours," you scurried through the door and slammed it behind you, letting out a sharp breath.

Spencer might have an IQ of 187 and might be a genius but damn could he be the biggest idiot at times. He probably has a switch in his brain he can turn off and on for when to be smart and when to act clueless.

You tried telling yourself that the reason he wasn't good with telling how girls felt was because he didn't have many girlfriends in the past.

That was the reason.....

right?

You made your way back to your apartment and took off the clothes you had on, throwing them into your hamper. You checked the time- 10:30, great, no time to chill out and sprawl on the couch before getting ready.

You opened your closet and ran your fingers through the clothing, landing on a navy blue V-neck long sleeve. You took it out of your closet with the hanger attached, then grabbed a pair of black jeans along with your black belt and boots. You looped you're belt through your pants, looping the extra length of the belt through the pant hoops.

After putting on your clothes, you grabbed your holster and Glock 19 from your drawer, attaching it onto your belt. You put your jewelry on and made your way to the restroom where your perfume and makeup was set.

You decided on light makeup for the day- only concealer, eyebrows, blush, a peach lipstick and mascara. You picked up your phone to check if you had any recent messages from anyone.

Not surprised at all, Hotch was the only one who had sent you a text. You rolled your eyes and clenched your jaw, frustrated that spencer didn't text or give you a call.

Hotch: The case will be issued in a small town entering Maryland, but pack a go-bag anyways. Be at the office by 12:00. sent at 10:01 am.

The time was now 11:30, so you grabbed your already packed go-bag and ran to your car. You played the Neighbourhood at a low volume as you drove up to Quantico , your hands gripping the steering wheel out of annoyance.

Cry Baby was interrupted by a ring coming from your phone. You checked the id caller, pursing your lips to the person who was calling.

"Hey y/n, why'd you run out so quickly?"

"I don't know, I just needed to get home." your answer was brusque and strident. You didn't want to talk to spencer at the moment.

"Are you mad at me? What did I do this time?" he spat, his tone turning from concerned to aggressive.

"You didn't do anything, I'm just not in the mood this morning. Sorry."

That was a lie.

He huffed, "Are you sure? You know I care about you right?"

"Yup, I care about you too Reid." you didn't usually call Spencer- Reid, only in times when you were furious or jealous.

"Reid? Come on Y/N, something's wrong. You only call me Reid when-"

"When I'm angry or jealous, yes spencer I know. But trust me, I'm not mad, today just isn't my day. I'll see you at the office, love you." fuck. shit. dammit you just said 'love you'.

You hung up and threw your phone on the seat, your eyes widening at the fact that you just told spencer fucking reid ' love you' what the hell.

At least it wasn't I love you, that would've been way worse.

You parked in the middle of Morgan and Emily's cars which were fairly close to the entrance . You grabbed your go-bag and phone you threw on the seat and headed into the lobby, signing in and starting small talk with the front desk lady.

You entered the elevator and clicked button with the number six on it. You weren't sure how spencer would act after you told him you loved him over the phone. It wasn't the complete I love you, but it was fucking close.

Penelope greeted you as you entered the floor, taking you into a tight hug. You couldn't hug her back, her arms tightened around yours while your hands both had something in them.

"I missed you so so so so much y/n. I know you called me and made sure you were okay but I wanted to see your cute little face to be 100% sure." she exclaimed as she pulled you away from her, tapping your nose with the fluffy pen she had.

She pulled you into the round table room without stopping to let you set your bag at your desk, personally sitting you down into a chair.

"Yay!! The whole team is here now!" she clapped her hands out of excitement.

"Now part of the job that I absolutely hate," she frowned as she gave you each a hard copy of the files.

"Katy Welsh, Phoebe Wilkins and Andrea Cruz have been tortured and killed in maryland, all three share similar lacerations to their stomachs but were all fatally shot in the heart." Penelope sighed, her body sulking down due to the sadness of the case, "They were all eight weeks pregnant before they were killed."

Damn. How evil was this unsub? Killing women who were were expecting babies in seven months. Pure evil.

"Uhhh Garcia I see a necklace around their necks, they all have charms as well. What are they?" Spencer asked, sitting up in his seat.

"They seem to all have an angel wing and the letter k on a circular charm."

"The letter k? Katy Welsh is the only on out of the bunch that has a name that starts with the letter k." Morgan queried, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

Your heart dropped to your stomach right when Garcia told everyone what the charms were.

You hadn't told anyone about your abusive ex that you had dated for six years.... and lived in Maryland with for four.

He had given you a silver necklace on your fourth anniversary, an angel wing and the letter k meaning 'kitten', the nickname he had given you while you were dating.

"They also had a note attached to them, all different sayings, but were all threatening." Penelope added.

"'I'll kill you next time', 'Don't worry kitten, I'll find you' so that's why they all have the letter k on their necklace, kitten. It's most likely a nickname he gave a past girlfriend." Emily interjected.

You felt bile rising in your throat, but you swallowed down the acidic mix, tightly shutting your eyes so you wouldn't have to see the pictures.

You blocked out the noise around you to focus on your dangerous thoughts that were overflowing in your brain.

Get it together y/n, it isn't Eric, it isn't him. This is all a coincidence, no one is out to get you, it's all just a coincidence.

"We won't be needing the jet for this case, so we'll split into two different cars and head to the police office where we'll meet with lead Detective Jackson." Hotch's stern voice rang through your ears, brining you back to reality.

"Be ready in thirty minutes. No wheels up for today."

"You okay?" JJ bent down and whispered in your ear, "Your face is flushed."

"Y-Yeah yeah I'm fine. A little out of it I guess" you forced out a fake laugh, trying not to further worry her.

She nodded and helped you get up, rubbing your back as she walked you through the door. She let you go after walking you down the small steps, letting you grab your go bag and do what you needed to do.

You grabbed your go bag and headed to the kitchenette, but were suddenly yanked into an empty office. Spencer locked the door and closed the blinds, not letting your arm go as he paced around the room.

"What's wrong y/n. Seriously you look sick." Spencer implored, his hands cupping your face.   
You didn't want to tell him anything about your ex, you wanted that to stay strictly in the past.

You averted your gaze to the door, his eyes following you, boring into the side of your face.

"Nothing." you mumbled as he turned your face to look at him once more.

"You're crossing your arms y/n. People cross their arms when they're in a state of discomfort, insecurity or shyness. They've been crossed ever since Penelope told us about the unsubs signature." he paused and looked into your eyes which began filling up with tears.

"This case is clearly bothering you to a different extent." you felt your knees buckling, you felt weak. You slid down to the floor, spencers arms quickly wrapping around you.

"Sh sh sh, y/n what's wrong? tell me, please." 

You tried calming yourself down, your sobs lessening as you were getting ready to speak, "I used to be in a relationship with someone named Eric. We lived in Maryland together and on our fourth anniversary, he gave me a necklace with an angel wing and k on it... kitten was my nickname. And-" your sobs intensified again, the memories rushing back into your head.

"I was-I was 8 weeks pregnant when I broke up with him.. H-He didn't want the baby so he kicked me in the stomach." You stuttered as you sobbed into his shirt.

"Y/N," his fingers running through your hair as his fingers tried wiping away your tears, "I'm sorry."

You nodded your head in disagreement, " You didn't do anything wrong spencer, don't apologize."

You sniffled and wiped your last few tears away from your cheeks. You got up and smoothed down your shirt and wiped away anything that was on your backside.

" You have to tell Hotch. This is serious."

"No." you growled, nudging him so he could move, "It's just a coincidence spencer, it's fine."

" No? Are you fucking serious? Y/N I don't want you to be killed because you won't comply and tell hotch about this. Your life may well be in danger." he reprimanded.

You became frustrated with spencer being extremely worried with your state, you were fine!!

"Spencer, I'm fine.. you need to stop worrying so much about me like you're in love with me or something." you scoffed, looking into his eyes, the gold rim lines slowly being taken over by his dilated pupils.

His head tilted back, accentuating his Adam's apple, his head then slowly readjusting itself back down.

" Y/N, I- " he jumped as a loud knock cut him off, "Reid, I know you and y/l/n are in there, and I do not care what you guys are doing in there but we're about to leave, so hurry your asses up."

You bit your bottom lip, studying spencer's face for a bit longer before grabbing your go- bag off of the floor and opening the door to leave.

You stopped in your tracks, your hand still on the handle and you turned your head to face spencer, " We can talk about whatever you were about to say later."

His lips were pursed, one hand in his pocket while the other raked through his hair. He seemed apprehensive, an icy look spreading to all corners of his face.

You closed the door as you left, leaving spencer in the dark room.

You wanted to go back in and tell him you loved him, adding the I to finish off the three letter sentence, but it wasn't the correct time or setting to confess something like that to another person.

Fuck you spencer, fuck you for making me fall deeply in love with you.


	15. FIFTEEN

You made your way to the car you would be sharing with Derek, Emily, and Spencer. You tried making your way to the car without being stopped by anyone, which didn't work out because as soon as you reached the elevator, Derek stopped you.

"Y/N! Wait I have to talk to you!"

You huffed, "Yes... Morgan what is it?" you knew he would ask you about spencer and what the hell happened in the office but you weren't ready to explain yet.

"What happened in there? You and Spencer in an empty office with the door locked and the blinds shut? Please don't tell me you guys were-"

"No, no we weren't doing... that. If we were why would you be so concerned anyways?" you asked in a bitter tone.

"First of all y/n, why would you have sex in the office with people around? Two, I care about you and I want to know if anything is going on between you and reid. I want you to be careful."

Morgan along with Rossi had treated you like a daughter/sister ever since you joined the BAU, so nothing ever phased you when they would ask about your personal life and relationships, but Morgan had been constantly bothering you for the past month. You weren't sure if he had a clue about you and spencer, but it sure seemed like he noticed something going on.

"Nothing is going on. He's just... he's just a work colleague, that's it."

Not even a friend y/n, really?

"Quit playing y/n, I know something is going on. You're acting like I can't see you guys looking at each other with these lovey dovey eyes and huge ass smirks on your faces. Cut the shit." Morgan was looking directly into your eyes, which were wandering everywhere else besides his face.

You thought you did a good job hiding your 'friendship' with spencer from everyone else, but obviously you didn't because derek knew.

He cleared his throat, bringing you back to the conversation, "Y/N, what's going on?"

"FINE. Oh my god okay I'll tell you Morgan. Spencer has been my fuck buddy for three and a half months now. We thought it would just be sex and nothing else- no strings attached but then I started having feelings for him. He told me he had feelings for me as well and that he wanted me but he hasn't done anything about it." you paused in a way that signaled that you weren't done speaking, but didn't want to say anything else to further continue the conversation.

"... And?" Morgan furrowed his brow, waiting for you to continue your sentence.

You nibbled on the inside of your cheek, you were scared that Morgan wouldn't agree with what you were doing with Spencer, "I overheard him tell his friend last night that he loves me and wants to be in a relationship." you whispered.

"That's good! Why don't you sound happy and excited. He said he loved you," Morgan exclaimed as he rubbed his hand up and down your arm.

"Morgan he didn't say it directly to me though. I want him to say it to me."

"Did you forget that you're doing... that with Spencer Reid? The Doctor Spencer Reid. He's awkward and is probably trying to find a time and place to tell you."

"Right" you mumbled under your breath, surprisingly quiet enough for him not to hear you.

You made your way into the elevator, pressing the button for the lobby. You were both quiet as the doors closed, but Derek really didn't want to leave you alone today did he?

"What were you doing in there anyways? And you know I won't leave you alone so just tell me."

"Fuck you. This is serious okay? It has nothing to do with spencer and I's relationship." you advised, you wanted to warn him for what you were about to share.

"I think my ex might be the unsub," you felt like there was small needles pricking your heart every time you thought about your ex doing these things.

"Wha- WHAT? Y/N this isn't a joke you know that right?"

"Yes I know derek. I'm not joking." you paused, collecting all of your thoughts, " I used to live in Maryland before I came down here. I had a boyfriend named Eric and we were together for six years, four of those we lived together in a small apartment. On our fourth anniversary, he gave me a necklace with an angel wing and the letter K on it... which stood for kitten... the nickname he gave me when we started dating. He was really abusive, and I put up with it for the last three years of our relationship. I- I wanted to leave, and I was going to, I already had it planned, but- " your voice cracked, but you weren't going to start crying, you had to stay strong.

All of a sudden the elevators opened, giving you the chance to stop talking about your past and give it a rest. You walked out quickly, Derek walking behind you matching your speed.

"But-" Morgan prodded slightly.

"I started having strong pregnancy symptoms, so I did what any smart person would do, take a pregnancy test... and it came back positive. I was already going to break up with him, but I decided to just tell him about my pregnancy anyways. When I told him, he went crazy; He said that he didn't want a child of his living on this planet, he didn't want it and he made sure he made that clear," you shed a tear, one that you didn't want to shed, but it was always impossible telling this story to someone else.

"Derek when I told him, he- he kicked me in the stomach." You clenched your fists as you remembered the day, the day he took away the brightest part of your life. Your life had been dull after that, until you met spencer.

Spencer brought back the missing saturation into your word, he brought you happiness and made you feel differently about yourself. You felt good after you met him- you became more confident and made you love living once again.

You wanted to be in his arms, you wanted to kiss him and tell him you loved him, because at that moment you noticed that spencer was worth the time and effort. He was a pain in the ass at times, but he was always there for you and made sure to make you feel safe.

You felt Morgan's hand tighten around yours, silence at last... but once again, only for two split seconds.

"You have to tell Hotch. Y/N this is serious, if you don't say anything your life along with ours might be in danger." he implored, his tone of voice was stern, he wasn't going to stop bothering you until you agreed to tell Hotch.

"Okay, okay I'll tell him. But when we get to Maryland. Not now, I think I need to take a short break from telling this story."

"Fine." you both got to the car, where Emily and spencer were already inside- Emily in the front passengers seat and spencer in the back, you would be sitting with him.

"What took you guys so long?" Emily announced, looking at both of you as her eyebrows knitted together. "And why does y/n look like she was just crying?"

Spencer turned to look at your face, your eyes were puffy and red, you had indeed looked like you had finished crying.

His face was doleful, his foot was tapping on the ground repeatedly which meant he was either overthinking or worried. Most likely both.

"We were just talking.." you assured in a low register, keeping your eyes glued to Spencer's, gulping down the brick in your throat.

You scooted in next to spencer and set your bag on the floor. You made sure to sit close to him so he would get the memo that you weren't mad anymore.

"Are you okay?" he murmured, his hand nudging at your thigh.

You weren't, and you were tired of lying to everyone about it, especially to spencer. "No." you whispered, leaning in closer to him to take away some of his warmth.

"Y/N, I care about you, and I just want you to be safe okay? If you were to die, I don't know what hell I would do with myself." his hand began crawling up to yours, his fingers intertwining with yours.

You let him make this subtle move, you wanted to kiss him right there and then but two other people were in the car.

You nodded and laid your head on his shoulder, his free hand coming up to brush your hair out of your face.

You could see Emily looking up at the rear-view mirror, the corner of her eye wrinkling from what you guessed a smile.

"Morgan, look" she whispered, grabbing his attention up to the mirror, to which his eyes also squinting from a smile.   
…

You had fallen asleep during the car ride, but were woken up by the feeling of Spencer's hand gone.

You fluttered your eyes open and noticed that spencer was looking right at you, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Good Morning" he beamed, "We're here."

"Hi. Sorry that I fell asleep on you."

"It's fine. Don't worry I didn't have a problem with it." he grabbed your go bag and opened the door, himself getting out first then signaling for you to get out.

You scooted out of the car, yawning and shutting your eyes as you were exposed to the light.

You had to tell spencer that you were finally going to tell Hotch about the strong resemblance of the unsub and your ex, he had the right to know.

"Umm, spencer.." your voice was croaky and shaky, you knew he would be happy that you were finally telling Hotch, but you were still scared.

"Yes ki- y/n." you could tell he was apprehensive about calling you kitten at the moment, noting that all of your past memories were flooding in.

You chuckled, "You can call me kitten spencer, it's fine." You didn't have a problem with the nickname, you loved it and that's why you always let him call you that, it wasn't the name that caused you pain.

" Are you sure?" he hesitated, his benevolent tone making you smile.

"Yes. But to get to the point, I'm telling Hotch today, when we get to the police station."

"Really?!"

"Yeah, Derek is making me. I mean it's best if I do right? To stay safe or whatever you guys are saying." you were in fact doing this for spencer and derek, if they didn't ever bother you so much, you wouldn't have ever given in.

Yes, you were a stubborn bitch but you didn't feel the need to tell Hotch, at least not until more information on the unsub was received.

"We want you to be safe. And if you get sent home, I'll go with you, okay? I'll be with you until this gets solved."

You stayed silent, no awkward silence between either of you, it was comfortable and peaceful.   
-  
-  
Spencer had opened the door for you to go into the police station, your eyes wandering everywhere to try and find Hotch.

You saw JJ, and figured that she might know where he was since they got there at the same time.

"Hey JJ, do you know where Hotch is? I need to talk to him."

"Yeah I do actually, he's in the conference room they set up for us. He's looking over the file again."

"Okay, thanks JJ." you gave her a sweet smile as you made your way to the conference room, spotting Hotch flipping through the files with Rossi.

You knocked on the door, making them aware of your presence, "Ahem, Hotch can I uh, talk to you for a second. It's urgent." you opened the door, your hand still on the handle.

"Yeah. Rossi, go get the rest of the team and bring them in here. We need to find more that connects these victims, something we haven't already found." he ordered as he swiftly walked over to you, letting you lead him to wherever you were going.

You walked into the empty kitchen, making sure to lock it so no one would barge in, "Hotch, I needed to talk to you about the unsub. I think I know who it is."

"Who is it y/n, if you have any idea who this is, we'll look into them and see if they fit the profile in-progress."

"Okay so I was in a 6 year relationship with someone named Eric Christens, we lived together for four years and on our fourth anniversary he bought me a necklace similar to those that were put on each of the victims. The k stands for kitten, because that's what he used to call me....When I broke up with him I had told him I was pregnant, to which he kicked me in the stomach, ending in a miscarriage. Hotch, I was 8 weeks pregnant, just like every one of these victims."

He didn't take his eyes off of you, his stern eyes looking into yours as you told the painful story for the third time that day.

"Hotch, I brushed it off because I thought it was a coincidence, but I've told this story two times today and every time I tell it, the more I think that maybe it isn't just a 'coincidence'."

Right when you finished your excruciating story, Hotch's phone buzzes. He mumbled under his breath, reading the text message that was sent.

"Y/N there was just another woman killed, and what you just told me is leading me to believe that he's killing these women as a surrogate for you. He's trying to find you."

"Yeah Hotch, I know. That's why I'm telling you this." you remarked, a sassy tone rising in your voice.

"Y/N right when we finish debriefing, I want you to take your things and go back to Quantico with spencer, you'll sleep in one of the extra offices until we finish this case."

You nodded- you were quite mad that you couldn't finish the case with the team.

You would be safe, you would be taken away from danger, so why the hell were you so pissed off??

You followed Hotch into the conference room where everyone was at. Reid was standing with his hands in his pockets, a saddened look on his face, derek was looking at the board of victims, and the others were sitting at the table, looking at the files in their hands.

They all looked up as they heard the door open, all frozen in their stances. Why were they acting so weird, as if someone they knew had just been killed... they never act this way when there's another victim.

JJ drew in a long breath, her glass eyes looking up at you, "Another woman was killed on a small farm 30 minutes away from the last killing. She was in her 50s, definitely wasn't pregnant, and she didn't live close to the other killings."

You scoffed, "Why would he kill her then? She- she doesn't match his preferred targets." Why would he kill a woman in her fifties, who had little to no chances of getting pregnant, and didn't even live in the city?

JJ looked at Hotch, a wary look spreading across her face. Your brows drew together out of confusion; you looked up at hotch, then to the rest of the team- they were all staring at you.

"What?" you pestered, "Why are you all looking at me?" you forced a laugh, your heart rate picking up as you began trying to piece together the puzzle.

"Y/N... It- It was your mom." Emily spoke softly, obviously trying to make the sentence less heart breaking.

Your heart fell to your stomach, your eyes widening as you heard those words come out of her mouth.

"No, no, no it wasn't." you looked over at spencer for reassurance, you wanted him to tell you that they were lying and that it was someone else, but his dead pan face signaled that there was no lie.

"No, NO NO you're- YOU'RE LYING." you shouted as your sobs were crawling up your throat.

"Get her out of here Spencer, NOW," Hotch commanded, spencer of course listened and came over to grab you.

You squirmed under his grasp, trying to push him away but you couldn't, "GET OFF! Spencer please, PLEASE get off of me." you sobbed as he pulled you away to the interrogation room.

"Sh, shhh y/n it's okay, you'll be okay." he whispered as he wrapped his arms around you, your tears wetting his shirt.

"You're going home, you're going to be safe," he reassured you, though his efforts at making you feel safe weren't working.

"A fucking office isn't 'home' spencer. Home is with you, home is at your apartment, not in a stupid office at Quantico." and that was the truth, home was spencer, home was in his arms far far away from Quantico.

His hug grew tighter, almost suffocating you but you didn't mind one bit. This was the perfect time for you to tell him you loved him, any time was the perfect time for you to confess, you thought, it didn't matter, you loved him always.

"Spencer I love you, I love you so much and I don't want you to just leave me there and go home, I want you to stay with me and tell me i'll be okay." your sobs were almost gone, only tears rolling down your cheeks as you spoke.

He pulled you away, his hands now cupping your cheeks, his face slowly getting closer to yours. Your foreheads were now touching, his eyes closing as he was ready to speak.

"I love you too y/n. Fuck you don't know how long I've been wanting to say that." he said, his lips still hovering over yours.

You pulled your lips onto his, passionately kissing him as your hands reached up to his jaw. You stopped after a few seconds, spencer ending with a small kiss to your forehead.

"Let's go, I'll be with you at all times, got it?"

"Got it. I love you." you whispered.

"I love you too."


End file.
